Killer Secret
by KingdomJester
Summary: James has a secret. He doesn't think he can trust anyone enough to tell it. They just wouldn't understand. As the secret slowly starts to leak out, James' life is turned upside down. He's the target of every bully now. Kendall doesn't understand what's happening, but he wants to help. Can he save James? Kames! Warning: Rape!
1. Chapter 1

**This story is dedicated to Ireland Maslow, some of you probably know who she is or at least seen her stories floating around. I highly recommend you go check out some of her writing. I decided to dedicate this to her because today, Feb. 22, marks 3 years that she's been apart of this wonderful website! Happy 3 years, baby girl! **

**Disclaimer: Only doing one, so listen up. I don't own anything other than the plot and any OCs who show up throughout the story. **

* * *

I bounced my knee as I waited for the teacher to pass out the results from yesterday's test. I was in the back of the class which made it feel like forever before he got to me. Finally Mr. Willis got to me and placed my test on the desk. I took a deep breath and flipped the paper over. I slumped down in my seat farther with a silent groan. Another bad grade. If this kept up I would be kicked off the hockey team. I couldn't believe this. Logan had spent the entire weekend at my house helping me with math. All that work for a D minus? How is that possible? I did so good all weekend with Logan.

"Some of you did exceptional while other are one step away from summer school." Mr. Willis said, looking directly at me when he said the last part. I looked down at the paper again. Mr. Willis went on talking, starting his lesson for the day. Logan, who was sitting to my right, quietly got me attention. He pointed at the paper on my desk and I moved it so that he could see the score I got. He looked confused and disappointed. I tried to pay as much attention to the lesson as I could. I had to get caught up. Maybe Mr. Willis could give me extra credit. My mom was threatening to take my car away if I fail this class and I was about to be kicked off the hockey team. To top it off, my dad had planned for the two of us to take a trip this July for my birthday, but if I don't get my grade up, he's going to cancel it. I know that all seems like spoiled rich kid problems, except for the hockey team, but it was really stressing me out.

The bell rang and everyone began gathering their stuff.

"Mr. Diamond, I need to speak to you." Mr. Willis stopped me. I picked up my stuff and walked up to his desk where he was sitting. He waited until everyone was out of the room before he spoke. "You're grade has been dropping drastically. Is something bothering you? Distracting you? Is the work too hard for you?" I sighed and stared off to the side for a long moment before looking back at him.

"I don't know, I spent the entire weekend with Logan tutoring me. We literally did nothing but study." I explained, feeling even more frustrated. Mr. Willis grabbed a piece of paper and quickly wrote down something before standing up.

"Tell you what, let me give it a try. Come by my house this weekend and I'll see if I can help you. I really don't want to see you fail, you have a lot of potential. Get your parent's permission tonight and let me know tomorrow what the plan is." I stared down at the address written on the paper. I wasn't sure why but I had a weird feeling about this. Teachers normally offered to meet at the library or something, not their own home. Weird or not, I have to pass.

"Alright, thanks," I said before walking toward the door.

"Hit those books tonight," he called as I left the room. I stood outside the door for a moment, thinking about how weird that was. I brushed it off and hurried to my locker to get what I needed for my next class. I managed to make it just before the bell rang.

* * *

"Mom! I'm home!" I called as I walked into the house. I didn't receive a reply. I dropped my bag next to the door and walked into the kitchen. My mom's home office was right off the kitchen and I could hear her talking. I looked toward her open office door and saw her sitting at her desk. She smiled and gave a small wave, I just smiled back as I opened the fridge. I started getting the stuff to make a sandwich.

"I don't care what you think! You either got that order shipped or you can start looking for another job!" I heard my mom yell into the phone before she hung up. My mom was pretty tough when it came to the people who worked for her. Then again, she was tough on everyone. "Hi, sweetie, how was school?" She asked as she walked into the kitchen, her high heels clicking on the tile floor.

"It was okay," I said, feeling nervous. "Mom, I need to talk to you about something." She sighed heavily and looked directly into my eyes.

"You failed another test, didn't you?" She asked, putting one hand on her hip.

"I got a D minus," I said, bracing myself.

"James, I warned you about what would happen if you keep getting these grades! I want you to be able to go to a good school and learn all there is to know about business so that I can pass the Diamond Industry down to you. I need you to be prepared for it." She began giving me the same lecture I heard a thousand times. I didn't really want to take over her business, but she was dead set on it happening. I wanted to sing, act or model.

"Mr. Willis offered to help me this weekend. He wants me to come to his house to study." I told her, pulling the folded paper out of my back pocket. She looked over the paper before looking back at me.

"At his house? Isn't that against school policy or something? Shouldn't all teacher/student tutoring happening on school grounds?" She questioned and I shrugged, moving my plate to the island before sitting in one of the tall chairs.

"I guess teachers don't want to be at the school on the weekends either." I said before taking a bit of my sandwich. She thought for a long time before sighing.

"Alright, if it means you pass, I'm willing to try anything. But you keep your cell phone with you and call if anything happens." She said before walking back to her office. I don't get why she was so worried. He's a teacher. He's dedicated his life to educating kids, he's just doing his job. It's not like he would do anything bad to me, right? I pushed the whole thing to the back of my mind and finished my sandwich. No matter what, I had to pass. I would just have to put a lot of things on hold until I get this down. Everything good comes from hard work, right?

"Oh, James, Craig is coming over for dinner around six. Please shower and put on some good clothes." Mom said before disappearing back into her office. Craig is my mom's new boyfriend. He was okay, I guess. I hadn't been around him enough to know. All I know is he's some big CEO. I wasn't too crazy about getting to know my mom's latest fling. They never lasted long anyway.

I finished my sandwich and put my plate in the sink. I grabbed a bottle of water before making my way to the stairs in the livingroom to head to my room. It wouldn't take long for me to shower and change so I just collapsed on the bed. I checked my phone and saw I had a text from Logan.

**Do you want to hang out tonight and study some more? -Logan. **I hit reply.

**Can't tonight. Mom's bf is comin' over for dinner. -James. **I hit reply and then stared at my ceiling which was covered in mirrors. My mom designed the house and had it built. I was thirteen at the time and thought it would be cool to have a mirror ceiling. To be honest, I still found it pretty cool. My phone buzzed on my stomach and I checked the text.

**How about this weekend? -Logan.** The guys knew how I felt about my mom dating, so they never asked too many questions.

**Mr. Willis offered for me to come over so he can tutor me. -James.** I stood up off the bed and went to open my balcony doors. Everyone was so impressed with our house since there weren't any like it in this area. The property Mom bought to build the new house was a large meadow on the edge of town. We still had neighbors and everything though. My mom liked being a step ahead of everyone else. I walked back to my bed and checked the new text from Logan.

**Wait! You're going to his house? -Logan.** I didn't feel like dealing with that from another person today. I would just answer later. I went to my walk in closet, grabbed my black jeans and pale pink button up shirt before going to the bathroom. I really hope this night goes fast.

* * *

I quiet ate my food while Craig and Mom talked. I wasn't too interested in hearing about how his business was doing.

"So, James, your mom tells me your on the hockey team at school." Craig said, smiling at me.

"That's right, I've been playing hockey since I was a Mini-Mite." I answered before taking another bite of chicken.

"Mini-Mite?" He questioned.

"That's the name for young kids hockey. I was five when I started." I told him, he made an 'oh' face. I went through the same thing with all her boyfriends. She had only dated one guy who knew anything about hockey. Most were into other sports like basketball and football. Both are great sports too. Mom and Craig got off on another subject which I was happy about. I went back to eating quietly, waiting for this night to end. I figured that after dinner I could leave. They were going to watch a movie and I could make some lame excuse about allowing them alone time. I really needed to study anyway.

After dinner was done, I offered to clean up so they could start their movie. I started doing the dishes which wouldn't take too long. My mom ordered food from a restaurant in town. She was a good cook but she prefered not to do it. I got the dishwasher loaded and started I left to go to my room.

"Oh, do you want to watch the movie with us?" Mom asked from the couch. She had her head on Craig's chest and he had his arms around her.

"Thanks, but I have a lot of studying and homework I have to get done." I told them.

"Alright, sweetie," Mom said before turning back to the movie. I headed up the stairs and to my room. I went to my closet and changed into my black and blue plaid pj pants and an oversized black hoodie that said Minnesota on it in white letters. I grabbed my school bag and got all my stuff out. I laid down on my king sized bed on my stomach and began working on my homework.

* * *

**I just want to point a couple things out real quick. First, this will be a Kames story later on. Now, I AM a guy, but I am not gay. I do write and read slash/yaoi stories but I'm as straight as a board. Second, this story does contain rape, but I just want to say something because I dealt with this from my other story. I'm not "chipper" to write rape scenes. If you read Ireland Maslow's story It's Not My Fault, then you should know that I'm that Luke. You also probably remember that my biological dad is in prison for raping and murdering a 17-year-old girl, and for the death of my 2 year brother. I'm nothing like my dad, so don't even start it. I wouldn't even hold a girl's hand unless she was okay with it.**

**I hoped you liked this, and show some love for my girl, Ireland. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is kinda long, but it had to be. I meant to explain this last chapter, but forgot. I put that James was a Mini-Mite when he started, I know in the show they talk about Pee-Wee hockey. Mini-Mite is the name for kids 7 and under, Mite is 8-9, Squirt is 10 yrs, and Pee-Wee is 11-12. It's not that way in all states, but in Minnesota and a few other states, that's the names. I wanted them to be younger when they started playing, so I used Mini-Mite. **

**Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows I got. It means a lot. :) **

**I want to say something real quick. This chapter has a few cuss words, I don't personally cuss, but I thought it kinda fit the scene and such. So, yeah, lol. **

**Warning: Rape!**

* * *

One hour left until I had to be at Mr. Willis' house for tutoring. Logan, Kendall, and Carlos were giving me tips all day about what to do. Logan, being the smart one, told me different things I need to know just incase, like all exits and such.

"And definitely don't go into any room with no windows or doors." Kendall added.

"Guys! I get it! I'm not five, I can handle myself. You act like he's going to sell me to the sex traffickers." I said, chuckling a little. I knew they were just looking out for me. It was weird to everyone that a teacher was having a student over, but he was just being a teacher and trying to help. He was doing his job, helping me pass.

"You never know, James. He could be a part of some big underground organization and you could be just what he's looking for." Carlos told me, the smile on his face showed he was being sarcastic. Logan started on another tip-spree, but I cut him off.

"I gotta go get ready, see ya later." I said, standing up and grabbing my book bag. We were at Kendall's house, which we came to straight after school. It was Friday and I would be coming back here after tutoring to spend the night. It was rare for us to spend a weekend away from each other. We're more like brothers after all.

"Are you leaving?" Katie, Kendall's little sister, asked from her place on the couch.

"Yeah, I'll be back later though. I gotta go to a tutoring session." I explained, she just made an 'oh' face and went back to reading her book. I walked out, ran down the porch steps, and to my car. I started it up and made the quick drive to my house. We all lived on the same street so we weren't far from each other. I parked and just left my bag in the car since I would be leaving soon. As I passed the arched doorway leading to the kitchen, I could hear my mom yelling at someone. She was usually yelling at people. She said it was part of being a business owner. I made my way up the stairs and to my room. I decided to just wear what I was wearing, light blue jeans, a dark grey shirt with a red design on it, a black zip up jacket, and black vans.

I fell back on my bed and stared up at myself. I didn't really want to leave Kendall's house yet, I didn't have anything to do. Everything I needed was already at Kendall's house. I had taken it all over there after school. I only left so I wouldn't have to listen to them worry anymore. I wouldn't have to worry about that later though. Everything was going to be fine. My dad was the only person who understood that. He saw Mr. Willis for exactly what he was, a teacher. My mom was a little more open to it because she wants me to pass with a high grade. I was desperate to the same too.

* * *

I pulled up to the address Mr. Willis gave me. It was a greyish-blue two-story house with a white porch. It was a pretty normal looking house, not much different from other houses here. I cut the engine, grabbed my bag, and got out. I walked up onto the porch and rang the doorbell. I heard a dog instantly barking and couple seconds later I heard footsteps coming toward the door. It opened and the familiar tall, short brown-haired man stood there. Except he was wearing blue jeans, a navy blue t-shirt that said Duluth High on it, which had been sold during a fund raiser once, and black tennis shoes. Normally he wore black slacks, a white button up tucked in, a tie and dress shoes. Also, his hair was styled, not messy like now.

"Hello, come on in, James," Mr. Willis said, stepping aside. A middle sized, brindle colored dog was right under my feet. He kinda had the shape of a German Shepard, but was a bit different. His tail curled over his back, he was a healthy weight, and one ear stuck up while the other was folded. "That is Boise, if you want I can put him in the other room?"

"No, it's okay, I love dogs," I said, reaching down to pet Boise, who was really friendly.

"You can go ahead and put your stuff down on the couch. I'll be right back," he said before leaving. Studying on the couch sounded weird to me, but oh well. I placed my book bag on the floor and sat down on the hunter green couch. Boise jumped up and laid his head in my lap. I began petting him as I looked around the room. There was a TV on the wall in front of the couch, there were two black recliners, a dark stained wooden table, cream-colored carpet, darker cream-colored walls, and pictures hanging around the room.

"Sorry, I had to take care of something. If you're ready, we can go ahead and get started." Mr. Willis said as he sat down on the other side of Boise. I just nodded to show I was ready. "Um, this may be hard. Boise, to the kitchen," he ordered. Boise got down and took off toward the other room. I wasn't sure why but I felt weird not having the dog in-between us anymore, especially when he moved closer to me. I was just letting what everyone said get to me. Mr. Willis began going over the lesson with me.

"Alright, go ahead and work these few problems and I'll get us something to drink." I just nodded and got to work on them. Mr. Willis wasn't gone very long before returning with two Cokes. He sat the cans down on the coffee table before sitting back down. He definitely sat closer to me this time. I scooted over a bit, but I was already next to the arm rest, so I couldn't go far. He leaned closer to me and started looking over the problems. "That one is wrong." He went on to explain the problem for me and help me fix it. I felt my heart stop when Mr. Willis laid his hand on my thigh while I worked the problem. I kept telling myself it didn't mean anything.

"C-could you move your hand?" I asked, feeling really uncomfortable the longer it stayed.

"Oh, sorry, you'll have to excuse me. I have a son who is ten and I'm used to helping him with homework. I need to remember to limit contact with you." Mr. Willis chuckled a little.

"I didn't know you had a son."

"Yeah, he was kinda produced from a in the moment thing. He lives with his mom, but I see him a lot." I felt a little awkward with him telling me how his son came to be. I just pushed it aside and went back to my math.

* * *

We had been working on the math for the past two and half hours. I wasn't making much progress, but it was just the first session. I waited while Mr. Willis looked over the pages I had just finished. He handed them back to me when he was done. I looked over them and saw all the red Xs.

"Seriously? I barely got any right!" I exclaimed, sighing heavily. "I'm not getting this, I think I'm ready to just call it a night." Mr. Willis sat there and stared down, bouncing his knee. He seemed to be in deep thought. It was like he was debating something with himself. I started to gather my stuff.

"What if there was something really simple you could do to bring your grade up?" He finally said. I turned and studied his face for a moment. I saw desperation in his eyes. Did he really want me to pass that bad?

"What would I have to do?" I asked, hoping it really was simple. I was taken off guard when Mr. Willis suddenly moved closer to me, putting his right hand on the other side of me and leaning over my body. He tried to kiss me, but I turned my head and tried to push him away. "What are you doing?" I yelled, feeling my heart speed up.

"It'll guarantee you a pass the class. All you have to do is relax," he said, pushing me to the side toward the arm rest. I started to push against him, trying to make him stop. He was a lot stronger than me though and was heavier than he looked. I kept turning my head so he couldn't kiss me, but he just started kissing my neck instead. I was breathing really heavy and felt like I could have a panic attack.

"Please, Mr. Willis, stop." I said, pushing my hands against his chest harder.

"I want you to call me Jake. Mr. Willis sounds too formal for this," he whispered. I couldn't help but let out a small noise of fear. I didn't care if it meant I never graduated high school, I wasn't going to let this happen. He grabbed ahold of me roughly and made me slide down on the couch farther. He moved my legs onto the couch and sat down on my thighs so I couldn't move. He began moving his hips against mine. I felt the tears welling up inside me, but I refused to cry. I wasn't giving this monster the satisfaction of seeing me weak. I started to fight harder, trying everything in my power to throw him off me.

"Lay still," he grunted out as he grabbed my arms and pinned them down a cross my chest. I didn't stop though, I kept fighting him. If this was going to happen, I didn't want him to be able to say I finally gave in. He began rocking his hips again, moaning as he did. I managed to get one of my hands away from him and punch him in the stomach. He stopped his movements and hunched over a bit. I tried to use this moment to get away, but he collected himself faster than I thought he would. He suddenly reached up and smacked me before pinning my arm down again. He leaned forward and got right next to my ear before whispering.

"If you don't do as I say, I can fail you in my class. Which will end in you going to summer school where I can fail you again. Do you know what would happen then? You would have to repeat the grade while all your friend's moved on. They would soon forget you and people have problems being friends with a flunky. So, if you don't want your life ruined, then I suggest you lay still." I laid there and let the words set in. He was right, it would make my life hell. "That's a good boy," he said before kissing my neck again. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to give in, but I also didn't want him flunking me. I finally decided that losing my innocence to a scumbag teacher wasn't worth it. I began fighting him again. I was wiggling around and pushing him.

He used one hand to undo my pants and push them down. He grabbed me and flipped me over. I was trying to fight him off, but this new position made it harder. I started wiggling around.

"Keep moving around like that," Mr. Willis said breathlessly. "You have a nice ass," he reached out and began rubbing his hand over my rear. I wasn't sure what to do. He liked me wiggling around and I didn't want to give him what he wanted. I was starting to believe there was no way for me to get out of this. My eyes went wide and I began trying to get out from under him when I heard a zipper.

"DON'T! I'LL REPORT YOU TO THE POLICE! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!" I began screaming over and over. He had neighbors, maybe I would get lucky and someone would hear the screaming and call the police. I continued screaming before having something cloth shoved into my mouth, making me gag. It was his shirt. I was still screaming but the shirt muffled the sound. It was definitely not loud enough for anyone outside the house to hear. I felt something went touching me down there and realized it was his fingers. He pushed one inside me. It felt weird physically and made me feel violated emotionally.

"Shh, just relax," he said as he added another finger and began moving them around. I was still moving, trying to get away. I wasn't letting this happen without a fight. I wasn't going to stop and let him do this. He must have deemed me ready or was just trying to move things along because he pulled his fingers out. I was ready to cry when I felt his length against my body. I began moving around frantically and screaming into the shirt. This couldn't happen. I let out a scream that hurt my throat when he pushed inside me. It was the worst pain I had ever felt. It felt like I was being ripped open. I continued to scream as he started moving in and out of me. I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. They streamed down my face. It made it hurt more but I kept fighting him. I wasn't giving in and just letting it happen. I wouldn't stop fighting until it was over. I tried to get my arms away from him, but he had them folded and pinned to my back. He was holding both of my wrist in one hand and using the other to support himself as he leaned over me.

"Keep moving like that and this will be over faster," he whispered breathlessly in my ear. I wasn't sure what to do. Did he not understand that I wasn't enjoying it? I wasn't trying to make it more pleasurable for him, I was trying to get away. I knew that if I got away, I would still be violated, used, and gross. It was too late to prevent it from happening. He began moving faster and I squeezed my eyes shut. I was still crying and screaming every time he pushed in. He whispering disgusting things in my ear. I felt gross. There was still that voice trying to tell me this wasn't my fault, but there was another listing all the ways this could have been avoided.

It felt like this had been going on forever before he finally slammed into me once more. I let out a scream as he came inside me. It didn't hurt, it just made it so final of what just happened. He laid on top of me for a few more minutes before pulling out. The second he was off me I yanked the shirt out of my mouth, pulled my pants back up and grabbed my stuff, shoving it all into my bag. The tears were still trailing down my cheeks. I was in pain but the only thing I could think of was getting out of here. I went to stand up, but his hand shot up and grabbed me. He stood up and got right in my face.

"If you tell anyone what just happened, I will make your life a living hell. I will fail you and secretly spread the word that you slept with a teacher. I wonder what that will do to your reputation? You would become the school slut for sure." His tone was low and dangerous. He let go of my arm and I ran from the house. When I got to the yard I started feeling sick. I couldn't hold it in and ended up throwing up on his lawn. After I finished, I got in my car and drove home. I didn't want to go to Kendall's, not after that. I just wanted to go home, take a hot shower, and get in my bed. I fought the tears all the way home. I kept reaching up and wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket. I had to get myself together before I got to the house incase Mom was in the livingroom or something.

I got to my house and parked. I wasn't ready to go in just yet. I folded my arms on the steering wheel, placing my head on them. I just broke and sobbed into my arms. There was a voice telling me to go get my mom, tell her what happened, and go to the cops. Another part told me that Mr. Willis would ruin my life and I needed to just keep my mouth shut. I hated the war going on in my head. It made me feel confused and lost. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to sit here and cry.

I sat in my car and cried for about an hour before I managed to calm down and stop. I wiped my eyes and reached over to turn on the light on my rear-view mirror. I looked terrible. My hair was a mess, my face was red and wet, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot. I reached over and grabbed some napkins out of my glove box. I blew my nose in one and used another to dry my face better. I took a few deep breaths before getting out of the car. I just left my book bag there. I walked inside and didn't see my mom. All the lights except for the living-room light was off. I saw a piece of paper on the counter when I walked past the kitchen door way. I walked over and picked it up.

_James, _

_I went out with Craig. I didn't know if you would come back or not before going to Kendall's. _

_Love, Mom. _

I sighed and crumbled the note up before throwing it in the trash. I made my way up the stairs, I was still in pain so the climb was a little slower than usual. I went to my room and grabbed my pj pants, clean boxers, and a big hoodie before going to the bathroom. I took my shirt off and caught my reflection in the mirror. I turned my head, not wanting to see myself. I reached in and turned the shower on as hot as it would go. I took my pants off, tossing everything into the hamper. I stepped into the shower, getting under the steaming water. It hurt as it beat down on my skin, but it felt good at the same time. I tried not to think about what happened. I wanted to just forget. I wanted to pretend it never happened and move on with my life.

* * *

**I hope I did a good job on this. I didn't want it to be down played with James' emotions, so I hope it didn't. I'm a guy and I believe I would have a war going on in my head if something like that happened. Also, we have a lot of pride, so it's hard for us to come forward when bad things happen. We see it as being weak because we couldn't protect ourselves. Plus, we think that if we can't protect ourselves then what makes people believe we could ever protect a girl or a family? **

**Let me know what you thought. **


	3. Chapter 3

**So, I'll probably be updating a lot this weekend. It's been snowing like crazy all day and isn't showing too many signs of stopping over the weekend. Also, I have the entire weekend off from work. I'm not stepping foot out of my house unless I absolutely, positively have to for an emergency situation, lol. **

**Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. :)**

* * *

The next morning I got woke up by the doorbell ringing. I got out of bed, curiosity getting the best of me. I opened my bedroom door and listened in to who was there.

"... He was supposed to come back to my house after tutoring." I heard Kendall's voice say.

"I thought maybe something happen, he was here when I got home last night. I went up and checked on him, but he was already asleep. He looked terrible, I think he may be sick. I think he's still asleep actually," my mom said.

"Can you ask him to text me later?" I quietly shut the door and went back to my bed. I laid down and pulled the covers over my head. I felt terrible. I was in pain both physically and emotionally. Why did this have to happen to me? I couldn't tell anyone about it. It would change how everyone saw me. I'm already seen as the pretty boy at school, the last thing that needs to happen is people find out I was... I didn't even want to think about it. The tears started to well up again and I felt aggression rising up. I was mostly mad at myself. Why was I so stupid? I basically allowed it to happen. Why didn't I ask him to meet me at the library or something? Why didn't when I felt it wasn't right? I tried to push the tears away when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. My door opened but I didn't move. I felt my mom sit down next to me and gently rub arm under the cover.

"James? Are you awake?" She asked gently, I didn't move. I didn't want her to see me. What would she think if she found out what happened? Would she be disgusted with me? Disappointed that I couldn't save myself? "Baby, are you feeling sick?" She asked, rubbing my back gently. I just nodded under the cover.

"Is it your stomach?" I just nodded again. It wasn't a total lie. I did feel sick. My stomach was churning. "I'll get you some hot tea and medicine to calm your stomach." She stood up and left the room. I waited until I couldn't hear her footsteps anymore before I lowered the covers. I carefully climbed out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. I turned the water on and splashed my face a few times before drying it off. I leaned against the counter top for a few minutes, still feeling the churning. I quickly moved to the side, throwing up in the toilet. I emptied everything I had in my stomach and sat there dry heaving. I knew it was just from fear and nerves.

I reached up and flushed the toilet, but I stayed on my knees in front of it, just in case. I still wasn't feeling that great. I heard my mom coming, she walked in since I didn't bother shutting the door before. She bent down and began rubbing my back, asking if I was okay. I felt the familiar feeling again and leaned forward, barely throwing up anything. My mom continued to rub my back as I tried to calm down. She moved to get a dixie cup and fill it with water. She handed the cup to me and I used it to rinse my mouth out, spitting it into the toilet before flushing it.

"Do you think it was something you ate?" She asked and I shook my head. "You need to just rest. I'll get you a bucket," she told me, helping me get to my feet. She helped me back to my room and I crawled back under the covers. She left the room and came back a moment later with the black, plastic trash can from the guest bathroom. "I'll get your tea, do you think you can handle drinking it?"

"Yeah," was all I said. She just nodded and left the room. I tried to think about anything other than last night. I had to just let that go and move on. It's too late to do anything about it. Nothing is going to change what happened. Even if I told someone or went to the cops, it wouldn't change anything. After a few minutes my mom brought me my tea. "I figured peppermint would be easier on your stomach," she said as she handed me the blue mug. I thanked her and sat up to take a drink.

"I'll leave you to rest. Yell if you need anything," she told me. She leaned down and kissed my forehead before leaving. I grabbed my phone and decided to text the guys and let them know I'm okay.

**I got sick, I'm okay though. -James. **I sent it to all three of them and sat my phone back down. I pulled my knees up to my chest, crossed my arms on them and rested my head on my arms. The war was starting again in my head. I fought the tears again, but refused to let them fall.

* * *

I spent my entire weekend in my bed. I didn't even leave the room to eat, Mom brought food to my room though. It was now Monday and I convinced my mom I was okay enough to go to school. I knew I would have to go to math class and see _him_, but it was part of moving on. At least math is my second to last class. I grabbed my homework I had for the weekend and stuffed it in my bag. I got my math mostly done while at _his_ house. I was messed up pretty bad this weekend, but I don't want to fail, so I forced myself to do my homework. I grabbed my bag, wallet, cell, and keys before heading downstairs.

"Bye, Mom," I hollered. I didn't wait to hear her response before going out the door. I knew Mom would ask if I was sure I wanted to go and I don't want to give myself a chance to back out. I need to do this to move on with my life. What happened, happened. There's nothing that can be done now. I threw my bag into the passenger seat, climbed in, and started my orange, 2012 Ford Mustang Boss 302.

I parked when I got to the school and just sat there for a moment. I knew who was inside that building. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before climbing out. I walked into the school building and the hallway was full. Everyone was talking and messing around in their lockers. I felt on edge. I knew none of the other students would do anything to me, they weren't the ones bothering me. It was the fact that I was in the same building as that monster. I opened my locker and stuck my stuff in, only keeping what I need for my first class.

"Hey, I didn't think we'd see you today," Kendall said. I looked to my left and saw Kendall, Logan, and Carlos standing there.

"I'm feeling better," I told them, shutting my locker. "Besides, I can't afford to miss any school." We began walking toward our first class. English was the only class we all had together.

"How did it go Friday?" Logan asked as we walked into the classroom. Mrs. Evans was already in there, sitting at her desk, and writing on a paper. We all dropped our homework on the small basket sitting on her desk before signing our names on the attendance sheet. Our principal thought that having students drop off their homework and sign their own attendance when they enter would mean more time for the teacher to teach. We have to sign our name, the date, and time. The only thing that sucks is we have to do it in each class. I sat down with Logan beside me, Carlos in front of Logan, and Kendall in front of me.

After everyone was signed in, Mrs. Marks began class. I tried to listen, but I kept getting distracted. All these thoughts kept going through my head of what could happen. Mr. Willis has a lot to hold over me now. What if he uses it to go farther than keeping me quiet? I just shook my head and tried to focus on what Mrs. Marks was writing on the board. I felt a tap on my arm and looked over and Logan.

"Are you okay?" He mouthed to me, I just nodded and looking back at the board. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

I took my math book out of my locker. My heart was pounding harshly in my chest. The walk to the classroom felt like it took forever. I stopped outside the door, not wanting to go in.

"Dude, you okay?" Cole, a tall, black-haired guy who always dressed like a surfer asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, not even convincing myself. Cole just nodded and opened the classroom door. I forced my feet to move and I walked in. I didn't look at Mr. Willis but I could feel his eyes on me as I signed in. I dropped my homework in the basket without looking up. I kept my eyes down as I walked to my seat in the back of the class. Logan was sitting at the front of the room, like usual. The only time he sat in a different row was if the four front seats were taken before he got to pick a seat. I looked up when I sat down and caught Mr. Willis' eyes. He was staring at me with this smirk. It made my stomach churn. I looked down at my desk.

"Okay, class, I have a surprise for you all. I talked to Principal Roberts and we made a deal. Since some of you aren't motivated to do your best in my class, I'm going to make you a deal. Each and every one of you has to finish this class with an A average from here on. If you manage to do so, we get to take a bus down to the Splash Center and spend the day there." Mr. Willis explained, everyone in the room cheered except me. I didn't like where this was going. The Splash Center is a multi-game building. It has things like rock climbing and glowing tile dance floors. If it were any other teacher, I would be excited. "Keep in mind what I said, _each _and_ every_ student must have an A average." He looked directly at me, his eyes darkening. I really didn't like the sight of that.

He went on to start his lesson. I couldn't focus, I was too distracted by my thoughts. If I don't get my grade up and keep it there, every one in this class is going to hate me. But how am I supposed to get it there? Am I going to have to keep working with him? That made my stomach cramp up. My heart was pounding and my breathing became labored. I felt someone touch my arm and then someone saying my name. It sounded like I was in water. I could feel the cold sweat dripping down my face. I heard more people saying my name but my vision was blurred and I couldn't tell who it was. The next thing I knew, everything went black.

* * *

**Hopefully you don't think this chapter went too fast. I didn't really want to write more than what I did of James being home. I was told in my other story that doing stuff like that makes the story kinda seem to drag on. I'm still learning how to balance stories out, so bare with me. Anyway, the attendance thing is probably weird to a lot of people, but at my old school that's how they did it. Same thing goes for the homework baskets. **

**If you have any tips that you think I need to hear, please feel free to share either in a review or through a message. Just try to keep it nice, please. :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow, this took a lot longer than I intended for it to. Things have been hectic lately. If you didn't read my other story, then you wouldn't know this, but my cousin was in a really bad horse back riding accident last year. He was thrown from the horse and hit his head on a large rock. He fractured his skull and because his nurse didn't take care of it the right way, it got infected. He's been doing better, but he has memory problems and such. Well, he's been over-doing it and he gets these dizzy spells where he can barely even stand up. He got one and fell down the stairs. He was okay for the most part. He's been depressed since the accident but I think it's getting worse because he thinks he'll never be the same. I've been really distracted, but he agreed to start seeing a counselor on Monday. Please pray that he gets better. **

**Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows. It means a lot. **

* * *

When I woke up, I found myself in an ambulance. Was I really out that long?

"He's awake," the blonde haired man said. I noticed I had an oxygen mask on. All I could remember was not being able to breathe, see, or hear before everything went black. I didn't say anything as the two paramedics moved around. I wasn't really sure what they were doing. "You passed out. Do you remember anything?"

"I remember passing out," I answered, he just nodded. "My head hurts," I told them. I really wished they would take the mask off me, it was annoying.

"You fell out of your seat after passing out. They said you hit your head." The black-haired man informed me.

"Am I going to be okay?" I asked, the realization that I was in an ambulance on my way to the hospital setting in. I had only been in the hospital once before when I was eight after a car wreck.

"You seem to be doing okay. They'll do a thorough check of you at the hospital and question about what happened." The blonde told me. It wasn't too much longer before we were at the hospital. I wanted to ask if they contacted my mom, but I didn't want to sound like a five year old who needs his mommy. I was taken in to the hospital and to one of the curtained off rooms. I laid there while the nurse checked me, making sure I was stable and such.

After what felt like ever of me just laying there, my mom came in. I was kinda mad to see Craig came with her. It's not that I don't like him, but he has no business being here. He's hasn't even been dating her that long.

"Oh my gosh, what happened? They just said you collapsed during class. Are you okay?" Mom asked, rushing over to sit on the edge of the hospital bed.

"Hello, James, I'm Dr. Morris," an older man said as he walked in. He had me sit up so he could listen to my heart and breathing. "Why don't you go ahead and tell me what happened? Do you remember much?"

"I remember Mr. Willis telling us that if we kept our grade up the school was letting us take a trip to The Splash Center... I've been having trouble with my grades and I guess I panicked." I said, happy that he gave the okay for me to take the oxygen mask off. He continued to check me and ask questions.

"Well, it seems you blacked out. Fear can cause you to do this. You mentioned your head was hurting, so I'm going to give you some pain medication and have you put ice on your head. Other than that, you appear to be okay." The doctor told me.

"Can we take him home?" Craig asked.

"Yes, just let me get the medicine and an ice pack for him." Dr. Morris said with a smile before leaving the room.

"Did you contact Dad?" I asked, looking up at Mom. She shook her head no.

"I'll let him know when we get back to the house," she answered and I just nodded. My dad hates being left in the dark when it comes to me. They used to fight a lot about that kind of stuff. She felt that, as the mom, it was her job to take care of me and his job to work and take care of the house hold. It caused a lot of problems when Mom didn't tell Dad about school stuff when I was younger. She also told me not to bother him with that stuff. It was a rocky time.

The doctor came back and gave my mom the medicine and me the ice pack. I thanked him and Mom helped me to the car. I was capable of walking myself, I was starting to feel better. But she insisted on holding my arm as we walked. She helped me into the back seat of Craig's car. I took my phone out, which was turned off for some reason, as Craig started the car. I saw I had a couple of texts from Kendall, Carlos and Logan.

**I'm heading home. I blacked out, I'll be okay. -James.** I sent it to all three of them. It wasn't long before I got a text from Kendall asking why I blacked out. I quickly typed out a reply explaining what happened and sent it to all three of them. I leaned my head against the window on the drive home. I couldn't keep my mind from going back to Mr. Willis' deal. There was only one way I was getting my grade up, and that was tutoring. Maybe I could find someone else? But would that make Mr. Willis mad? Would he still give me bad grades no matter what I do? He has the power to use that over me to get what he wants. Am I willing to go back there? Even after what he did?

When we got back to the house, my mom decided to text my dad and let him know what happened and that I'm okay. I knew he was going to be mad when he heard that.

"James, are you feeling good enough to eat?" Mom asked after setting her phone down.

"Yeah," I answered, as I headed toward the stairs.

"Why don't you stay down here and get to know Craig a little better. I think you should give him a chance, James." Mom said, stopping me by the stairs. I turned and looked at the man sitting on the couch. He was wearing black slacks, a white button up shirt, and black dress shoes. His short, brown hair was always styled in spikes. I decided to make Mom happy and turned to walk over to him. I sat down on the couch, making sure there was one cushion in between us. We sat there in silence while he flipped through TV channels. I wasn't sure what to say to him. I was normally a people person and could talk to anyone. But when it comes to Mom's boyfriends, I find it hard. Craig didn't seem too interested in talking to me either. I felt my phone vibrate and I pulled it out to see I had a text from Kendall.

**I'm on my way over. -Kendall. **I know Kendall was just being him and wanting to help, but I didn't really want him to come over.

**You don't have to. I'm fine. -James. **I stared at the text for a moment before sending it. It was a complete lie. I wasn't fine and I don't think I will be for a long time. I didn't get a reply from Kendall and figured he ignored me. Kendall was hard-headed but he's a good friend. I looked over at Craig when he laughed a little at what was happening on TV. I felt intimated by him. I don't think he would hurt me, but I didn't think Mr. Willis would either. Was I really comparing my mom's boyfriend to my rapist? Would I see every man that way now?

I jumped a little when the doorbell rang. I stood up and went to get it, already knowing who it was. It wasn't Kendall like I was expecting, it was my dad.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked, worry showing in his eyes. I stepped aside to let him in.

"Yeah, I just got worked up or something," I said. My mom came into the room and I saw my dad's face turn to anger.

"You should have called me the second you found out they were taking him to the hospital!" He yelled at her.

"I let you know he was safe," she said, keeping her cool.

"I'm his father! I have just as much right to be there as you do! You should have called me!" He said, sounding really mad now. My dad tried to be involved but my mom doesn't like him, so she tends to keep things from him.

"Why? So you and that blonde whore you have living with you could come to the hospital?" Mom asked, I knew this was about to get bad. She was referring to my step mom, Casey. My dad married her about a year and a half after the divorce. My parents went on with yelling at each other. Neither one of them were listening to the other, they were just yelling over each other. After a few minutes, Craig got involved. He started yelling at my dad to leave, at which my dad told him where he could go. I tried to sneak around them when the doorbell rang again. This time I was sure it was Kendall. He came at a really bad time. I opened the door and sure enough, it was the blonde.

"What is going on?" He asked over the yelling.

"It's a long story," I told him. "Come on," I said, heading toward the stairs. I didn't want to stay there and listen to them yell. I felt like it was my fault they were yelling. Maybe I should just tell them what happened and why I blacked out. Would that solve anything? Or just make more problems? When I got to my room, I sat on the edge of the bed as the tears formed. I wasn't going to cry. Not in front of Kendall anyway. The thoughts kept racing through my mind of what I needed to do to. It kept coming back to going back down and telling them what happened.

"James? Are you okay?" Kendall asked, his tone caring. Maybe I should just tell him? Would it help? I felt the tears trying to escape. It was becoming too hard to hold them in. I leaned forward and buried my face into my hands and just let them go. I had never cried in front of the guys except for when I got seriously hurt when we were kids. Kendall put his hand on my back and began rubbing circles. He didn't say anything though, he just let me cry. My emotions had been really messed up. I had been having these moments where I just wanted to cry. I cried a lot at night. I felt used, abused, and lost. I wasn't sure what to do. I was seriously wondering if telling someone would make it go away? Or would it just make me more messed up? I let out a loud sob as I thought about what could happen if someone found out. Kendall probably wouldn't be touching me right now if he knew.

I cried for a while. They were all still yelling downstairs.

"What happened? Are you upset because they're all yelling?" Kendall asked, I just shook my head. "Then what is it?"

"If I told you, you would hate me," I told him. I reached up and wiped my nose with the sleeve of my hoodie. Kendall stood up and got the box of tissues off my dresser. He held the box out for me to get one. I blew my nose before tossing it into the small trash can near my bed.

"Why would I hate you?" He asked, his tone showing he didn't believe that was possible.

"You just would!" I shouted, feeling the tears coming back. "Look, I just don't want to talk about it right now." I said, my tone quiet.

"When you do decide you want to talk, just know I'm here." He told me and I nodded. I just nodded my head and took a few deep breaths to calm down. I jumped a little as the front door was slammed shut. It was hard enough to make the picture frame on my wall shake. "Do you want to go do something? You know, take your mind off whatever is bothering you?" I smiled a little and nodded.

"Sure, I think I could use a distraction." I told him.

* * *

The Pizza Hut was basically empty which I kind of enjoyed. I didn't want to deal with a ton of people right now. Kendall and I had a booth in the back corner and nobody was sitting close enough to hear our conversation.

"Do you think your mom knows you're gone?" Kendall asked before taking a bite of his pizza. When we went downstairs to leave, my dad was gone and Craig and Mom were in the kitchen. I didn't tell them I was leaving, I just left.

"I don't know, probably not," I answered. I didn't mean for that to make my mom sound like a bad mom, but it was true. Kendall kept looking around like he was nervous and he had a look in his eyes like he wanted to say something. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," was all he said, but I wasn't convinced. He stared down for a moment before sighing. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course," I told him, thinking he already knew that.

"You have to promise me that it just stays between the two of us. You can't tell Carlos, Logan, your mom, nobody. You can't even write it in your diary." Kendall said, causing me to chuckle a little.

"First, I don't have a diary, and second, I promise I won't say a word." He chewed on the inside of his cheek while looking around. It was like he was making sure no one was listening.

"Lately I've been thinking... differently... You see, there's this guy and I think... I think I like him... I mean like, like-like him... Is that weird?" I wasn't really sure what to say at first.

"I don't think it's weird... What made you decide to tell me?" I asked after a few moments, taking a bite of my pizza.

"I don't know, I guess I just needed to tell someone I trust."

"But why _me_? I mean, you're just as close to Carlos and Logan as you are me, right? And your mom is the most supportive person I have ever met." I told him.

"Carlos is a great friend, but you know he can't keep secrets very well, Logan would go into all the logics of my feelings; and my mom is supportive, but I'm not ready to talk to her about this. I guess I just thought you would be the safe choice." He admitted and I smiled a little.

"Do you want me to tell you a secret?" I asked and he shrugged. "I'm the same way," I told him and his eyes went wide.

"If you're joking then that's really mean." He said and I chuckled a little.

"I've known for a while, which is why I haven't dated any girls lately. But, as you know, I've been teased my whole life about being gay, so coming out wasn't exactly a choice for me. I think everybody would be cheering because they were right about me." I told him, I tried to keep all bad memories and thoughts in the back of my mind.

"I completely get what you mean. I'm the captain of the hockey team, I'm worried what people will think if they knew. Especially the guys on the team," Kendall confessed. I wasn't sure what to tell him. I knew as well as he did that it would cause problems if he came out. Our school wasn't the most accepting. It wasn't because everyone was overly religious because there actually weren't that many religious people in our school. Everyone was just stuck up. It was a hard school to be a part of it. "I made it really awkward, didn't I?" Kendall chuckled a little.

"It's fine," I said with a small laugh. "So, who is this guy you like?" From the look on his face, I could tell I caught him off guard.

"Um, I'd rather not say just yet," he said, his cheeks turning pink.

"Awe, fine, I guess I can wait... Do you plan to tell him?" He seemed really embarrassed now.

"I think he may be the same way I am, so maybe. I don't know yet," he told me and I smiled a little. I decided to leave him alone about it. He would tell me who it was when he was ready.

* * *

When we got back to the house all the lights were off. I wondered if Mom even knew I had left. Craig's car was still in the drive-way, which I didn't like. I knew my mom had the right to keep her boyfriends over, but it was still weird.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kendall asked before I got out of his car. I just nodded a little. "Okay," he didn't seem to believe me though. I just offered a small smile before climbing out of the car. Kendall stayed and watched me walk up to the door. I stopped for a second and really considered going back and telling him everything. Would he understand? Or would he just get mad? I shook the thought from my head and got my keys out. I unlocked the door and walked inside. I heard Kendall pull out and leave. I stayed there in the dark room for a moment before reaching over and turning the light on. I sat on the edge of the couch with my elbows resting on my knees and my head in my hands.

I hadn't felt the same since _it _happened. I just felt dirty, used, gross, and sad. The battle started in my head again. One voice told me to tell someone. It told me to go wake my mom up and tell her, or call Kendall to come back. The other one said that everyone would abandon me, hate me, and blame me. It was best to keep my mouth shut. I was so confused. I grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled until it hurt. I wanted to feel physical pain. All I felt was pain on the inside. It was something only I could feel. Something only I knew was there. I wanted to be hurt on the outside so that others would know without me having to say something. I knew in the back of my mind that nobody could know the pain I felt without me telling them. I could hurt myself all I wanted, it wouldn't make a difference.

I looked up at the coffee table and saw Craig's stuff laying there. It was all the things he carried in his pockets. A folded up black pocket knife caught my attention. The need to feel physical pain was still there. I reached out and picked up the knife. I opened it up and stared at the blade. I started to wonder if this would help. Would it help me confess what happened? What _would_ my mom think if she knew? Would it really ruin my reputation? Would people blame me for what happened? Or would they understand that I had nothing to do with it? Maybe I should just go wake her up, ask Craig to leave, and spill it all to her. She's my mom, she would love me no matter what, right? Her job is protecting me.

I closed the knife and put it back. I couldn't harm myself. I wasn't going to stoop to that. I had to be stronger than that. Violence isn't the answer, especially self-inflicted. Nothing about using that blade was right. I stood up and made my way to my bedroom. I turned the livingroom light off at the top of the stairs before heading to my room. I just stripped down to my boxers, not feeling like changing or anything. I climbed under the blankets and stared at the wall. I can't believe I was about to cut myself over what that monster did to me. It wasn't my fault, so why should I punish myself for it? If anything, I should take that knife over to his house and teach him a lesson. Nobody should have to endure what he did to me.

* * *

**Hopefully this chapter was good. I feel like I jumped around too much. My mind is eased knowing Jessie is going to get help, so I should be able to focus on writing. I'm not making any promises though. Also, I dealt with thoughts of self-harm for a while and I wanted to do it for the same reason James did in this chapter. I think a lot of the time people do it because it's a pain they can control, and because they feel so much emotional pain they can't handle it. You just want a physical pain that others can see. I'm not saying it's okay to hurt yourself, I'm just saying I understand. I'm not using the subject of self-harm lightly here. **


	5. Chapter 5

**I just want to point out, I mis-spelled my cousin's name in the last chapter. It's 'Jesse' not 'Jessie', lol. And for those wondering, he is doing okay. I can't really say better, but he's doing okay. I'm not really sure what to say about this chapter... So I'll just let you read it. **

**Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and follows. Keep 'em comin'! **

* * *

I slammed my locker shut and slowly started toward the dreaded class room. School wasn't too bad, just knowing I had to see _him_ made it hard. I knew that no matter what I did, Mr. Willis could still fail me. It was beginning to look like I wouldn't have a choice but to keep working with him. Everyone kept asking if I was okay, especially the teachers. Everybody wanted to know what happened. I just told them I passed out because I hadn't eaten anything that day. I wasn't sure how many bought it, but it was all I could think to tell them. I walked into the classroom, signed in, and took my seat in the middle of the room. I didn't want to sit in the back because there wouldn't be anyone behind me. I felt safer knowing there were witnesses on each side of me.

"Hello class, I hope everyone has remember our little deal we made and worked hard on last night's homework." Mr. Willis said, leaning on his desk. I just bowed my head because I forgot to do it. I knew that was going to cause me a mark, but I didn't care. I was having a really bad day yesterday. "I noticed at least two people who didn't turn their homework in and that's going to be a problem. Remember _Everyone _has to finish with an A average." He said, his eyes never leaving me. I caught them for just a second, but I could feel them on me the whole time. I tuned him out the best I could. His voice sent chills down my spine. I did the best I could with listening and doing my work. I was just happy that he didn't have to talk much unless someone asked a question.

The class went more smoothly than I thought it would. My heart raced a lot, but at least I didn't pass out or anything. I was relieved when the bell rang and I jumped up the second it did. I started gathering my stuff. I wanted to get out of there.

"James, I need to talk to you," Mr. Willis said, I froze for a second. I looked over at Logan who gave me a sympathetic look. He thought my fear was from my grades. I secretly wanted to ask him to hang out by the door just in case, but I didn't want him to know what had happened. I just gave a small nod to Logan, telling him everything was okay. He patted my shoulder before leaving. I walked to the front row of desks, but I wasn't going farther than that. I wanted to have a little space between us so I would have a chance to run if he tried anything.

"You're going to have to do better in this class, you know that, right?" I just nodded. "Since I'm feeling generous, I'll allow you to work on last night's homework and today's homework. You just have to be able to turn it all in tomorrow morning and it won't affect your grade." I stared at him for as long as I could bare. His eyes showed how smug he really is. He didn't seem apologetic or ashamed of what he did to me. He acted as if it never happened.

"Can I go?" I asked, just wanting to get out of there.

"Sure," he answered, I started toward the door but he stopped me before I could open it. "Oh, but I do expect to see you Friday night for tutoring. If you don't bring your grade up, we may have to go to weekday tutoring after school too." He had a smirk on his face which made me uncomfortable. I had a feeling that not much teaching would go on if I went. I didn't say anything, I just left. Maybe I should tell someone before this weekend? Maybe that would keep it from getting any worse. I didn't know what to do. The idea of telling someone what happened had my heart rate speeding up. Would they understand? Or could it somehow be turned around to be my fault? This was just one big mess.

* * *

My mom was gone when I got home, she had something to take care of related to work. I started to feel lonely which was unusual. My mom worked a lot and since it was just the two of us at the house, I was alone a lot of the time. I had been since I was old enough to stay by myself. My dad tried to come around as much as he could, but he worked a lot too. I really just wanted to be with someone right now. I knew my dad was at work, so I couldn't go see him. I grabbed my phone and sent a text to Logan, Carlos, and Kendall.

**Wanna hang? -James. **I laid back on the couch with my legs hanging over the arm rest. I had the TV turned on, but didn't really care about what was on. I just wanted to listen to something other than the ticking of that stupid wall clock. I stared at the ceiling as I waited for them to reply. My mind went to tutoring with Mr. Willis. I've been having nightmares about what happened. They were normally just replays of what he did to me. I had woken up several times in a cold sweat. I always felt better knowing I was in my bedroom. I didn't want to go back there, but the entire class would hate me if I cause them the Splash Center trip. I wonder what would happen if he got arrested? Would the trip be called off all together? That would put me right back to everyone being mad at me. I wonder if anyone would believe me? Mr. Willis was everyone's favorite teacher. He spent a lot of time getting to know his students and joking with them. It makes me cringe now because I know what kind of person he really is. Am I the only person he's done this to? Or are there others in the school who are too afraid to speak up for the same reasons I am?

I got replies from Logan and Carlos saying that it would have to wait a couple of hours because they were both doing something. After a few more minutes I got a reply from Kendall.

**Sure, but can you come over here? Mom doesn't want me leaving until Katie wakes up from her nap. -Kendall. **

**Ah, baby-sitting duty, lol. I'll be over soon. -James. **I rolled to the side to get up, catching myself before I hit the floor. I ran up the stairs to grab a jacket and then I left. I made sure I had my phone before I locked the door. After I got in my car, I pulled out of the drive-way to make the short drive to Kendall's house. I figured Carlos and Logan could just join us there if they wanted to hang out when they were free. I turned the radio on so I wouldn't have to be in the silence. The silence gave me too much time to think. Actually, I thought too much no matter what anymore.

I finally reached the familiar white house. It was two stories and had windows lining the top floor. There was a covered porch that lined the front of the house. It had two windows on either side of a hunter green door, and a faded railing running along the sides. There was an unpainted swing on one side of the porch and flower beds out front. It was too late in the year for any flowers to be bloomed though. I pulled into the drive-way and shut the car off. I got up and walked up the stone path to their porch. I ran up the three steps. I didn't ring the door bell or knock, I just opened it and walked inside. Mrs. Knight was like everybody's second mother. She made sure everyone felt at home and knew they were welcome anytime. She told Carlos, Logan, and I that we were like her sons and we never had to knock before coming in.

"I'm in the kitchen," I heard Kendall yell. I walked through the livingroom and into the kitchen through an arch doorway. Their home was simple, but it was cozy. Sometimes I felt more welcomed and appreciated here than at my own home. "Want a snack?" He asked looking up from the fridge at me.

"Sure," I said, I wasn't going to turn down free food.

"We haven't gotten to the store yet, so how about grapes and Cheez-its?" I laughed a little.

"Sounds good," I told him. He chuckled as he grabbed the grapes out of the fridge. He also grabbed two bottles of apple juice, tossing one to me.

"Can you get the Cheez-its?" He asked and I nodded. I walked over to their snack cabinet and grabbed the red box before we headed to the livingroom.

"Is Katie still sleeping?" I asked as I sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, she was up all night playing on her computer and didn't get much sleep. She fell asleep on the couch the second she got home. I had to carry her up to her room." He told me with a laugh before popping a grape into his mouth.

"Logan told me Mr. Willis stopped you after class. Are you still struggling?" He asked, his tone was casual, as if it wasn't a big deal. To him, it probably wasn't. Kendall was more laid back than anybody I have ever seen.

"Yeah, he wants me to come back over this weekend for tutoring." I said, trying to not freak out. "It's not a big deal though," why did I say that? This was a huge deal! I was going to be trapped in a house alone with my rapist!

"You'll get it eventually," he told me. I just nodded. "Just don't get yourself benched, we need you out there." I just smiled a little. Kendall flipped through the TV channels before settling on a hockey game. I was feeling weird, but I wasn't sure why. It was just an uncomfortable feeling. I have had this feeling on-and-off ever since... I tried to forget about it. I focused on the TV the best I could, but Mr. Willis kept creeping back into my thoughts. The memories of what happened kept slipping through. I found myself feeling clammy and my stomach was churning. After a couple of minutes I realized I wasn't going to be okay. I jumped off of the couch, covered my mouth with my hand, and ran to the downstairs bathroom.

"James?" I heard Kendall said in a confused tone. As soon as I got to the toilet, I threw up. It was the first time I had actually thrown up since _it_ happened. I had felt like it several times, especially the night it actually happened. I had my hands on the rim of the toilet, was hunched over, and kept throwing up over and over. I had finally emptied everything, but I was still gagging and dry heaving. Every once in a while I would throw up mucus, but nothing else. I was covered in cold sweat and I felt achy. I was breathing heavy as I leaned over the toilet, my legs were shaking, and my heart was pounding. "Are you okay now?" Kendall asked from the door way. I stayed bent over, I felt like I couldn't move.

"I'll get you some Sprite to settle your stomach." He said before leaving. I finally found the strength to move. I flushed the toilet and moved to the sink. I turned the faucet on and cupped my hands under the water. I rinsed my mouth out a couple of times before washing my hands. Before I shut the water off, I splashed my face with cold water to help calm down. I used the hand towel they had hanging on a hook near the sink to dry my face and hands. When I looked over, Kendall was standing there with a dark blue cup in his hand. "Here, this should help," I thanked him before drinking a little of the soda. I still felt sick though.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He offered, I stood there for a moment, trying to collect myself.

"I think I'm okay," I said and he nodded.

"Do you think it was something you ate?" I shrugged as we walked back to the couch. _Tell him the truth._ I heard a voice say. I couldn't. I didn't know how he would react knowing what happened to me. Would he find it disgusting? Would he think less of me because I allowed it to happen? What would he think knowing I'm going back there? Would he think I liked it? That I was kind of sick pervert who liked being taken advantage of? "James, are you sure you're okay? I can call your mom or mine. Do you need anything?" Kendall was always the caring one. He got a little too motherly at times, though he argued he didn't, but he wants to make sure everyone is okay.

"Actually, I think I do need to go home," I said, standing up off the couch quickly.

"Wait, let me drive you home," he said, standing up also. I shook my head.

"I can get there," I said before walking out the door. He stopped me from closing it and followed me out.

"James, I really don't think you should be driving yourself," he told me. I knew he was probably right, but I had to get home. I was feeling scared. The idea of Kendall finding out had my heart speeding up again. Nothing about this situation was right and nothing could make it right. I got in my car and fumbled with my keys. Kendall stood at the bottom of the porch steps and watched me. I finally got my fingers to cooperate and got my car started. I pulled out of his drive-way and headed home. I drove slow, not wanting to chance anything. I still felt sick and little light-headed. I knew I would be alone when I got home since I hadn't been gone very long, but maybe that was best. I didn't want people to know. Once I parked in my drive-way, I climbed out and quickly made my way into the house. I was feeling sick again, but there wasn't anything in my stomach to throw up. I went straight to the bathroom and leaned against the wall across from the toilet. I wasn't sure if I would throw up or not, but I figured it was best to be safe than sorry.

I wasn't sure why I had gotten sick. Was it just nerves? But what caused them? I wasn't thinking about _it_ anymore than I normally do. I didn't feel threatened by Kendall, I know he would never hurt me. What if I... No, it couldn't be that, right? I couldn't have caught something from Mr. Willis, could I? That had my heart racing and the sickness coming back. I leaned over the toilet and throw up whatever could possibly still be in my stomach. What was I suppose to do if that was what was wrong? How was I suppose to get help? After I was sure I wasn't going to get sick again, I moved away from the toilet. I grabbed the small, black trashcan and headed to my room. I sat it down next to my bed, grabbed my laptop and sat on the bed, leaning against the pillows and headboard. I started to research STDs. Hoping none came up that could cause sickness like I had. I mean, if I actually had one, I would have had symptoms earlier, right? I'm just being paranoid. I know I am. I'm perfectly fine.

After three hours of researching every STD I came across I was so confused. A good few cause vomiting close to the same time span since _it_ happened to me. That was the only symptom I had though. But a lot of the websites said you wouldn't show signs of the disease and wouldn't know if you had it without tests. Did I need to be tested? I know a lot of victims are tested after the attack. I was starting to feel scared. What if I do have something and it's one that can't be cured or helped through medication? My hands were shaking as I typed in a new search, "Free STD testing health clinics in Minnesota." I didn't want to be tested, but maybe it was best. A few results popped up and one was in Duluth. I clicked on their website and read through what was written there. The idea of it all had me terrified. It was confidential and free to go be tested at this clinic.

_Maybe I should find one a bit farther away. _I thought as I hit the back button. I didn't want to risk running into someone I know at the clinic, or someone I know seeing me walk in. I found one that was a good hour long drive from here. I was reaching over to grab a notebook when I heard a knock on my door. I slammed the laptop closed as the door opened. My mom poked her head in. I hadn't even heard her come home.

"You're awfully quiet up here," she said, walking over to sit on my bed. "I wondered if you were asleep. Kendall texted me and told me what happened. He said he had been trying to call you and had been texting you since you left, but you never replied. He's worried about you, honey. Are you feeling better?" She asked, I just nodded, trying to stop myself from shaking. My hands were still shaking from the nervousness and fear I felt. "What are you doing?" She asked, motioning toward my closed laptop still on my legs.

"Um, I was just trying to entertain myself." I said, laying the laptop to the side. What will she think if I do have a permanent disease? Will she think it's my fault I got it?

"Do you want me to make you anything to eat?" She asked and I shook my head.

"I don't feel like eating. You know, just in case," I said and she nodded in understanding.

"I'll be down stairs in my office in case you need me. Try to get some rest," she said, patting my leg before standing up. After she was gone, I grabbed the notebook and a pen before opening my laptop back up. I wrote down the address of the clinic before closing the results and clearing my search history, just to be safe. I pulled the piece of paper out of the notebook, folded it, and placed it deep inside my pillow case. I wasn't sure I was going yet, but it was good to have that option available. I got up off the bed and went to my closet to change into sweat pants and a comfy tee. I laid back down on the bed and pulled the covers up. I wasn't normally lazy like this, but it was all I wanted to do anymore. I had very little motivation to do anything else. I grabbed my stereo remote off the nightstand and turned some music on so I wouldn't have to be in the quiet. I had the music loud enough to fill the room, but not loud enough to be heard from outside my bedroom. I checked my phone and sure enough I had a ton of messages and missed calls from Kendall. All the messages were asking if I made it home, if I was okay, and if I needed his help. I replied to him, letting him know I was okay, that Mom was home with me, and that I was laying in bed resting. I figured that would be good enough for him.

I laid there and listened to music for a while before I grabbed my backpack and got my homework out. As much as I didn't want to do the homework, I had no choice. The more I put it off, the higher the risk of everyone hating me. I pulled out my math homework and tried to focus on it. I knew I would get it wrong. I always do. Math just doesn't stick with me. I forget most of it the second I leave the class room. I do enough to get by, I guess. I tried to keep my focus on what I was doing. It wasn't working though. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. I could feel my brain pounding against my skull. It wasn't from the math homework, it was from all the stress. I haven't felt good since that night. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will. I just felt like running away. I just wanted to get away from here and go some place where nobody knows me. Maybe that would make everything easier.

I felt the familiar burn in the back of my throat as the tears collected in my eyes. Nothing was going to get better. The longer I try to hide and act like everything is okay, the worse it's going to get. I'm _willingly _going to that monster's house again this weekend just to make everyone else happy. I'm keeping all this to myself. It's my own fault. I don't deserve to feel sorry for myself. All of this is my own fault. I didn't fight enough that night. I basically handed myself to him by not listening to everyone's advice. I should have told him I would feel more comfortable meeting at the library or something. The tears finally started to fall down my cheeks at a fast pace. I didn't even try to hold it in anymore. I just let myself cry.

_It's never going to be okay._ I told myself over and over. _It's never going to be okay. _

* * *

**The tone of the story is going to start changing from here. And the whole thing with the STDs isn't just a filler, I wanted it in here for a reason which you will find out in the next couple of chapters. I don't know much about STDs, but I did research it. So, please, don't get mad at me if I get some stuff wrong. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I want to know if people think this story is going good? Am I lacking in a certain area of the story? Am I taking it too slow? Am I jumping around too much in the chapters? Please let me know what you think. **

**Thank you to Winterschild11 and PeeweeWolf for reviewing the last chapter. And thank you to the new followers and favorites I got. :)**

**Warning: This chapter will deal with a slightly mature subject. It's nothing too bad, I just want to give you a heads up. **

* * *

I stayed home from school, claiming I felt really sick. I was actually feeling better today physically. I was still feeling... weird. I don't know how to explain it to anybody. It was like I had a dull pain in my chest. It wasn't the kind of pain you got from smashing your hand in the car door, breaking a bone, or getting cut. It wasn't a stinging feeling and it didn't have me in tears. It was just a deep-rooted pain in my chest. I had never felt it before and it had me a little worried. I didn't feel like doing anything today. I was just laying in my bed with the music on. Mom had to go to work and over see some stuff, meaning I would be home alone until sometime tonight. I had decided

I had decided to go to the free clinic today. I was going to the one that was an hour away, just to be safe. My mom knew a lot of nurses and I didn't want to go and find out that one volunteered there at the local one or something. I was leaving in about thirty minutes to start my drive up there. I didn't want to do this but I needed to. If I didn't find out I would be worried for the rest of my life. I wasn't sure what I was going to do if I really do end up having something. Especially something permanent. I thought long and hard about it last night though and decided that if I do have something, I will tell my mom. I'll tell her everything. Which had me praying nothing was wrong. I wanted to tell someone, but I didn't want anyone to know.

I got out from under the covers, turned off my music, and headed downstairs. I ended up in the kitchen looking through the fridge for something to eat. Normally I try to be careful of what I eat. I had always been a chunky kid and I didn't want to end up back there. But I decided to break that today. One day wouldn't hurt anything, right? I grabbed the chocolate ice cream out of the freezer and set it on the counter. I started getting other stuff out to put in my ice cream. I ended up with whipped cream, walnuts, strawberries, peanut butter, Nutella, and a Snickers bar from the candy basket someone from work had gotten for Mom. I mixed the peanut butter and Nutella up into the ice cream before cutting up the strawberries and Snickers bar. I added them and the walnuts into the bowl and then put a generous amount of whipped cream over top of everything. I grabbed a spoon and sat down at the Island. I took a big bite of the ice cream and unlocked my phone. I started to looking through Twitter.

I actually did feel sick by the time I finished my ice cream. I had to get ready to leave though. Maybe that ice cream was a bad thing. I rinsed my bowl out and put it in the dishwasher before heading back upstairs. I got dressed in a pair of jeans that had rips and faded spots in them and a black hoodie that had the Minnesota Wild's logo on it**(1)**. I slipped on my converse before going to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, put deodorant on, and fixed my hair. I was feeling nervous already. I couldn't chicken out though. I had to do this. If I don't go then I'll just spend the rest of my life scared of what I could have. A lot of STDs don't have symptoms that really stand out. Most people don't even know they have one. I didn't want to stay scared. I'm probably just being paranoid. I'm sure I'm fine.

I went back to my room and grabbed my wallet, keys, phone, and the piece of paper with the directions on it. I ran downstairs and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge before heading toward the door. After I got in my car, I put the address into my GPS system before pulling out of the drive-way. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to make things worse by doing more research. I figured the testing was done through blood or urine samples. I was worried about it involving a blood sample though because I had gotten a couple and I always bruised extremely bad after having it done. I guess it's a good thing that it's cold enough out that I can wear long sleeves all the time without being questioned. I turned the radio on in an attempt to keep my mind off of all that. I kept my right hand on the steering wheel and put my left elbow on the door. I rested my head against my fist as I drove. I never thought that I would be going to get tested for an STD. I never thought any of this would happen.

* * *

I finally got to the clinic and I parked out front. It was a fairly sized brick building with double glass doors at the front and windows lining it. It was just one floor. There weren't a lot of cars here, so that was good. I sat there for a moment to get my nerves in check before I got out. It had been raining steadily for the last twenty minutes. I opened one of the doors and walked inside. It looked like an other doctor's office. There were chairs lining the walls, a TV hanging on the wall with the volume turned down low, the walls were a tan color and the floors were linoleum. There were a couple of men sitting in the waiting room. I walked up to the glass-less window that a nurse was sitting behind.

"Hi, can I help you?" She asked, I leaned my hands on the little ledge on my side of the wall.

"Yeah, I was hoping I could see a doctor and get _tested_." I kept my voice low and tried to put some emphasize on the word 'testing'. I hoped she understood.

"Okay, is there a certain type of testing you were looking to have done?" She asked, her friendliness reached her blue eyes as she watched me.

"Um... I was hoping to have testing for um... STDs," I whispered to her. I wasn't sure why the other men were here, I didn't know anything about this place. All I knew was that it was a free clinic for men. I assume they do other stuff than just STD testing. She offered a kind smile before getting a clip board.

"Okay, Sweetie, just fill this out in the waiting room. It's just basic questions," she told me. I thanked her and grabbed a pen out of the little cup sitting on the desk ledge. I walked over to the waiting area and sat down away from the other men. They were all spread out though, so sitting away from them was hard. I began filling out the papers. It was just my basic information. My hand was shaking so bad it made it hard to write. After I finished the paper work, I took it back to the nurse. "Okay, if you would, just take a seat and the doctor will be with you shortly." She told me. I thanked her and walked back over. I tried to watch TV to calm my nerves, but it wasn't helping. It was on the weather channel and they were talking about the bad weather they were having on the east coast. I was chewing on my bottom lip which was a nerves habit I had. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and my stomach churning. I wasn't really nervous about the testing process it was the results that had me like this. I was terrified they were going to find something.

"James Diamond," I heard a female voice say after what felt like ever. I stood up and walked over to the door at the back of the waiting room. She smiled kindly at me as she held the door for me. I followed her down the hall and to a little room. There was an examining table in the center of the room, a chair in the left corner near the door, and a counter with cabinets, drawers, and a sink that took up the whole back wall. "You can go ahead and sit up here," she patted the examining table. "The doctor will be right with you." She said with a smile. I thanked her and she left. I sat there and looked at the posters hanging on the walls. They were just medical posters, nothing too exciting.

"Hello, James, I'm Dr. Heffner," a middle-aged man said as he walked into the room. He was average height and weight, had tan skin that was wrinkling, and dark brown hair that was starting to gray on the sides. "Okay, it says here that you are wanting to get tested for STDs, correct?" I just nodded yes. "Have you been having symptoms that make you believe you may have one?"

"Not really, I guess. I got sick unexpectedly at my friend's house yesterday. I went home and did some research and noticed that a lot of STDs can cause sickness like I had." I explained, realizing it sounded more like I was being paranoid and wasting his time. He didn't seem to think that though.

"Alright, have you had sexual contact in the last couple of weeks that would have you worried about transmitting one?" He asked, his face showing a little bit of compassion. I didn't want to tell him I was raped. I rubbed my hands together, staring at the floor.

"Um, yeah, I have. I h-had sex with a man I barely know." I said, my whole body was shaking visibly now. I didn't know if this doctor was going to judge me for it or think I was gross. I glanced up and saw the compassionate look on his face.

"James, if it wasn't consensual, you need to tell me. The process I'll have to do could be made worse if you're dealing with a lot of things mentally right now." I could feel myself began to sweat. "It's okay to tell me," he assured. I took a deep breath before shaking my head a little, not meeting his eyes.

"I-it was... consensual," I lied, feeling my heart drop at that. I wanted to tell him what happened, but I didn't want him reporting it. If he did -which he has to by law- then it would be on the local news that a teacher had raped a student. I didn't want that. I looked up again and could tell he didn't believe me.

"How many partners have you had?"

"H-he was my first," I told him. He nodded a little. I think he really believed I was lying now. It was easy to tell it wasn't consensual.

"Have you noticed any sores either on your genitals or inside your mouth?" I shook my head no. "Have you noticed any strange discharge from the penis?" I shook my head no again. "Alright, I'm going to ask you to take your clothes off and change into this gown so I can examine you." I felt my cheeks heat up a little. I didn't move to do as he asked. I felt my heart pounding. I didn't want him touching me _there_.

"I just need to check and make sure there's no sores or anything. If you would feel better about it, I can have one of the female nurses do the examining." He offered. Yeah, he definitely knew I had lied. The fact that a man touching me mad me break out in a cold sweat kind of gave it away. I wasn't sure having a woman do it would be any better.

"No, that's okay," I said, standing up on shaky legs. He stepped out of the room to give me some privacy. He was going to see me naked anyway, so I wasn't sure how that was supposed to help. I took my shirt off and laid it on the table. I slowly un-did my belt and jeans before sliding them and my boxers down. I put the gown on before sitting back on the table. After a couple of minutes, Dr. Heffner came back in.

"Alright, I'm going to have you lay back. Just try to relax, this won't take very long at all." He told me with a smile. I laid back and stared at the ceiling, just wanting this to be over so I could go home. I had to take a deep breath when he lifted the gown up. His gloved hands moving around down there had me feeling scared. I tried not to think about what he was doing. A certain spot on the ceiling was becoming very interesting the longer this went on. After what felt like ever, he told me I could get re-dressed. He stayed in the room this time. He was writing on the papers on his clipboard though and not paying attention to me. I quickly re-dressed and sat back down on the table.

"Okay, well, there weren't any sores, just like you said. Which is a good sign." He said as he walked over and opened one of the cabinets. He pulled out a tongue compressor and his light. He came over and stood in front of me. "Open," he said and I opened my mouth. He pressed down on my tongue and used the light to look around my mouth. He used the stick to move my tongue and cheeks around to check my gums. "There are no sores in your mouth either." He smiled. He wrote something down on the papers again before turning back to me.

"Alright, I'm going to have you give a urine sample and a blood sample. Since you don't have any sores in your mouth I don't think there's a need for me to swab your cheek or anything. Also, there was nothing on your genitals, so I don't need any swabs from that area either." I just nodded was he spoke. "Do you have any questions?"

"How long before I know what the results are?"

"No more than two weeks. Generally, we can let you know within a few days, but sometimes it take longer." I nodded a little.

"What are the chance of me actually having something?"

"In all honestly, I haven't seen anything that indicates that you could have something. Even you getting sick could have been caused by something else. It could have just been something you ate. Anything else?" He asked and I thought for a moment before shaking my head no. "Okay, the only advice I have for you is to use protection and avoid having sex with people you don't trust." He told me and I nodded. "I'm going to have a nurse bring you a sample cup and then prepare you for a blood sample." He smiled a little and I thanked him before he left. After a couple of minutes the nurse from the desk earlier came into the room.

"Alright, here you go, there is a bathroom right down the hall on the left." She said with a smile. I thanked her before heading down there. I was glad the worst of it was over and I was close to going home. I got the urine sample and went back to the room to give it to her. She had another nurse go ahead and take it while she did my blood sample. She already had the stuff needed. She stuck the needle into my arm once, but missed the vein. She had to move it around until she hit the vein which had me scrunching my face up in discomfort. She finally found it and managed to get what she needed. After that was done she told me I was free to leave. I followed her back out and she told me bye, which I returned. I headed out of the building and to my car. It was still raining a good bit.

I sat in my car with my hands on the steering wheel and my head resting on my hands. I shut my eyes and began taking deep breaths. There wasn't anything I could do now but wait. I'm going through this alone and that made it hard. I wanted someone I could call that I knew I could trust. I know my mom and the guys would be there for me, or at least I hope they would. I felt the tears in my eyes. How was I suppose to do this alone? What if something really is wrong? Could I bring myself to tell my mom like I said I would? Or would I just end up keeping it to myself? I'm not sure I would be able to make it if I kept it a secret. I felt like a little kid again. All I wanted was my mom. I wanted to do like I did when I was a kid and curl up at her side while she held on to me. I missed those days. My mom was a strict woman but she had a kind heart, especially when it came to me. I had spent a lot of time cuddled up to her when I was going through bullying. I just want to be able to do that right now. I don't want to go through this alone anymore.

* * *

**(1) If you don't know what the logo looks like but are curious, you can google it. I would have explained it, but it's considered one of the most controversal logos ever. Some people say it's a bear while others say it's a wild cat. But the animal head is filled with a forest scene that has a shooting star in place of the eye and what is either a setting sun or a full moon. It's considered one of the best logos though. **

**Also, if you have never mixed peanut butter into your chocolate ice cream then you have been living your life wrong, lol. Anyway, if you could answer my questions at the top, I would appreciate it. Either in a review or through a PM. **


	7. Chapter 7

**First off, thank you for answering my question in the last chapter. I'm glad to see that everyone is enjoying the story so far and I'm hopefully advancing in my writing skills. If I ever make a flop or you have a suggestion to make my writing better, feel free to tell me in either a review or a PM. I would appreciate it. Also, No-Emotions-To-Cry mentioned something about more interaction between James and the guys. I tried to add more into this chapter, and I hope I did well. Second thing, I forgot to mention in the last chapter that I just researched on the internet how STD testing is done and I found one thing that basically said it was the process I used. As I've already said, I don't have much knowledge about STDs or the testing process, so I'm doing the best I can. **

* * *

My heart was pounding as the day ended. It was Friday and I had to go to tutoring with Mr. Willis. I had asked, in front of other students, if we could just meet at the library to make it easier. I knew he was smart enough not to say it had to be at his house. He wouldn't threaten me in front of other students. He agreed, though he didn't look happy about it. I didn't care. Anything to keep from being alone with him. I just hope the library is packed so there is someone around all the time. I heard the last bell of the day ring and I gathered my stuff to leave the room.

"Hey, James!" I heard someone yell, I turned around and saw Carlos running toward me, knocking into people and apologizing for it. I had to laugh at my hyper friend. "Kendall and Logan are coming over to my house for the weekend, are you in too?" He asked, he was so excited about it, it was funny.

"I have tutoring in about an hour, but I'm free after that. So, sure, I'm in," I said, he bounced a little in excitement. I chuckled a little.

"Are you going back to Mr. Willis' house?" I shook my head no.

"We're meeting at the library," I said, throwing my backpack strap over my shoulder. We walked side-by-side to the door.

"What are we talking about?" Kendall asked, putting his arm over Carlos' shoulders. Kendall was definitely a touchy-feely type of guy. He had no shame in putting his arms around people, standing close enough that they were touching, or having people sit on his lap. He loved other people way more than anyone I had ever seen.

"James is in for this weekend too!" Carlos said, his smile wide.

"Awesome!" Kendall said, smiling over at me. I knew he was going to ask me again if I'm sure I'm okay. He had already asked me three times today, and he text me asking a lot too. Ever since I got sick at his house, he's been checking in with me. I knew he was just being a good friend and I appreciate it. I just don't want him getting suspicious.

"Where's Logan?" Carlos asked looking around.

"He was going to talk to someone about something. He said he would catch up in a couple of minutes." Kendall said, waving his hand in the air. "Oh, hey, I gotta run, I'm suppose to walk Katie home today. I'll see you guys in a bit." Kendall said before running off. He and Katie only lived a couple of miles away and they usually walk to school if the weather is nice enough.

"Are you getting any better in math?" Carlos asked as I opened my car door. I tossed my bag in the passenger seat before shutting the door. We both leaned against the car.

"Not really, I'm not getting worse, so that's good, I guess." I said with a small chuckle.

"Is the tutoring not helping?"

"Well, I've only had one tutoring session, so it's not helping yet. Hopefully I'll learn something today," I forced small laugh out. I was terrified to be honest. I was trying to keep myself calm. We were going somewhere with other people, he wouldn't try anything, right? "What are we doing this weekend?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"I had Mama rent us some movies and Papa is talking about grilling out since it's suppose to be nice." He answered, I nodded a little as he spoke. I looked down at my watch and sighed.

"Well, I need to get going. I want to go home and grab something to eat before heading to the library." I told him and he nodded. "Want me to give you a ride home?" I offered but he shook his head.

"That's okay, I'm riding home with Logan," he told me and I nodded. Carlos was the only one of us who didn't have his license. Logan and I were the only ones who had cars though.

"Alright, I'll see after a bit," I said before climbing into my car. I wasn't sure I really wanted to eat just in case things turn bad tonight. I don't want anything more in my stomach than what's already there. I think he's smart enough to know not to try anything with others around, but who knows what will end happening. After I got to my house, I just sat in my car. Mom's car was in the drive way, but the driver side door was opened. I sat there for a few more minutes before I got out and walked inside. There were suitcases sitting by the front door.

"Mom?" I called, walking into the kitchen. I heard her talking faintly inside her office, but the door was closed so I couldn't understand what she was saying. I walked to the fridge and got a bottle of water before leaning against the counter. After a few minutes the office door opened and Mom walked out.

"Oh, I'm glad you're home. Francesca got into a car wreck and is in the hospital. She can't attend the meetings in Florida now, so I'm going to have to fly down there. I'll be gone until next Saturday and Antonio is taking care of things here for me. He's checking now to make sure he has all the numbers and information needed for the next few days, but if he doesn't, he's going to text you. You're going to print off the things he needs from my office computer and he'll drop by to get them. Do no text it to him because I'm afraid he'll delete it or something. Make sure he has a paper copy of it. If you have any problems, call me. That isn't just about Antonio, okay, if you get sick again, call me. I talked to Jennifer earlier and she'll be checking in you. She said that if you don't want to be here alone, you're welcome to stay with them until I get home." She told me and I nodded. Mom used to have to take business trips a lot and I would usually stay with Jennifer or sometimes with my dad.

"I'm staying over at Carlos' this weekend, we all are," I told her and she nodded.

"Okay, good, I won't feel so guilty leaving. I hate leaving you alone like this," she said, her eyes showing sadness. I smiled to show her it was okay.

"Mom, I'm seventeen, I think I can handle being by myself for a few nights." I told her and she smiled.

"I know, sweetie, just remember to text me or call me if anything goes wrong. Even if you're just not feeling good, like an upset stomach, I want to know. I don't think your sickness is anything serious, but I just want to make sure." She told me and I smiled a little.

"I'll be fine," I told her. I really didn't like the idea of being alone, but I wasn't going to tell her that. I didn't want her to be worried about me while she was gone.

"Alright, well, I need to get going. Remember the house rules. There is some extra money in an envelope in the bottom left drawer of my desk if you need it. Please eat something other than pizza, burgers, and burritos this week, okay?" She asked as I followed her to the door. "Oh, and they're calling for rain all week so please be sure to put your car in the garage." We normally don't put our cars in there unless it's going to rain or snow because then we have to move things around to make them fit. We have a lot of boxes and junk in our garage. I grabbed her two suitcases and followed her out to her car. After I got them in the back seat and shut the door, I turned to her.

"Okay, sweetie, I have to get to the airport," she said, holding her arms out for a hug. I leaned in and hugged her tightly. "I love you," she said before kissing me on the cheek.

"I love you, too," I told her. She got into the driver seat and pulled out. I waited until her car was out of sight before heading back inside. I heard my phone and pulled it out of my pocket.

**Make sure to bring your sleeping bag! -Carlos.** I chuckled a little and hit reply.

**Roger that. -James.** I looked at the clock and I still had some time before I had to leave. I decided to go pack for the weekend. It wouldn't be that hard because I'm sure we'll just end up lying around the house all weekend like normal. I grabbed my duffel bag and started getting clothes together. I grabbed a pair of sweat pants to wear when ever we were at the house, a pair of ripped jeans, a couple of t-shirts, clean boxers and socks, my pajamas, and a hoodie. I stuffed them all into my duffel bag before getting my small, leather bag out and heading to the bathroom. I grabbed my hair products, body wash, body spray, comb, and tooth paste and stuffed them in the back. I got one of the traveling cases for my toothbrush and rinsed it out before putting my tooth-brush in it. Once I was sure I had every, I headed back to my room. I grabbed my duffel bag and the leather bag before heading downstairs. I sat them near the door before going to the basement. Our basement was set up as an entertainment area with a long, black couch that was curved to fit in the corner of the room and run along the back wall and the right wall. There was cream-colored carpet down on the floors and the walls were painted a slightly darker color than the carpet.

I went to the little room off of the main part and opened the closet in there. We used this room for storage mostly. I pulled out my blue sleeping bag before heading back upstairs. I sat it down next to my bags and checked the time again. I figured I could go ahead and get to the library. I didn't want to have to drive all the way back here just to get my things. I grabbed my two bags and took them to my car and came back for my sleeping bag. I locked the door and went to my car. I kept telling myself that this time would be better. Nothing was going to happen. I pulled out of my driveway and started to the library.

_Everything will be okay, James. Just chill out. This will be over in a couple of hours and then you'll be with your friends. Everything's fine._ I kept repeating to myself as I drove. I got to the library and parked. It was a large, stone building with stone stairs with a railing running up the middle leading to double glass doors. The top two floors were filled with books while the basement had meeting rooms in it and one main room that was used for books sales and such. I still had ten minutes before I was supposed to meet him. I didn't feel like just sitting in my car for the next ten minutes. I got out and ran up the front steps. The inside was cozy. They kept it nice and warm on days like this where it was a bit chilly, the old wooden floors creaked and cracked as you walked across them, and everything was quiet in a good way. It was a peaceful place to be. I didn't want to start reading anything and I was too anxious to just sit. The downstairs were split into two sections, kids and teens, and there was a small lobby that separated them. There was a wooden, spiral stair case that led upstairs. The upstairs was adult books of every kind. There was a large desk in the far back, and sitting area near the desk. The sitting area had an arch doorway with no doors, a fire place that I had never seen lit, two red, leather couches across from each other in the center of the room that sat in front of the fire place, and tables on either side of the room that had chairs all around them.

I walked up and down the aisles of books, not really looking. I just liked the creaking of the floors. For some reason it was soothing to me. The only other noise was the faint clicking of the keyboard the librarian at the desk was using. There weren't too many people here. A few people were searching the shelves for books, an older man was sitting on one of the couches, and a couple of college kids were sitting at one of the tables doing homework. I was hoping more people would be here. As long as those people stay in the sitting area, I should be fine. I made a couple more laps around the library, earning looks from people. I wasn't sure if they were just wondering why I was walking around or if I was getting annoying since I was continuously making the floors creak and pop.

"James?" I heard a voice say behind me. I turned and saw Mr. Willis standing at the end of the aisle I was walking down. "Shall we?" He asked, motioning toward the sitting area. I just nodded and followed him over. He sat at the table on the left side of the room, away from the college students and behind the old man. The college students were sitting so that they would be facing us, which made me feel better. I was glad they didn't have their backs to us too. The woman at the desk couldn't see us because of the wall that separated the two rooms. Mr. Willis moved his chair over and sat closer to me than I liked. I would have been fine with him sitting on the other side of the table from me.

"Okay, I brought some work sheets for you to do, I also brought a page that explains everything a little more extensively and clearly. I'll let you read the page and then I want you to do the work sheets. I'll give you some little tips and pointers as you go." He told me as he pulled stuff out of his bag. "Did you not bring your school bag?"

"Oh, I forgot it in my car. I'll go get it," I said, standing up. I felt uncomfortable when he reached out and grabbed me by the waist. It wasn't necessary for him to touch me, but especially not like this. He had his arm around my waist.

"No, no, it's okay, I was just wondering. I have extra pencils and such, so you don't really need it. Just sit back down," he said, using his grip on me to pull me back. I sat down, wanting to get far away from him now. He got me a pencil and handed me the papers. I sat there and tried to focus on what the page said. My heart was pounding so hard I was sure everyone in this room could hear it. After I read over the page twice I moved on to the work sheets. I began doing the problems and Mr. Willis pointed out when I did something wrong and corrected me. I tried to calm myself and focus. The better I did, the less tutoring I would need. That should be enough to make anyone an instant genius. After I got the work sheets done, Mr. Willis started going over the problems with me, reminding me where I messed up and how to fix it. "You can keep that page that explains everything."

After about an hour and a half of tutoring, I was getting tired. I was just ready to get to Carlos' house and forget about this man for a while. We were now the only people in the room, which made me very nervous.

"Alright, James, it seems your starting to understand things a little better." He told me as he gather up his stuff. After sitting his bag down, he leaned in close to me. "You know, I didn't appreciate you changing our location last minute. That's going to cost you," he whispered. My heart was beating so fast and hard it physically hurt. I didn't want to look him in the eye. I didn't want to see that lust I knew was there. I felt like I couldn't breathe when I felt his hand on my thigh and moving higher up. "We're going to meet tomorrow at _my_ house for tutoring, understand?" He asked as his hand reached my crotch. He began to rub his hand over my private area and I literally couldn't breathe now. I was terrified, I felt like I was would have a heart attack if my heart rate didn't lower. He removed his hand, but then grabbed my left hand, moving it under the table. He forced me to rub his erection. He curled his fingers over mine, forcing me to grope him. His breathing was heavy and he was sitting so close it was rolling across my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying that it would be over soon. He may not be physically hurting me, but I wanted this whole encounter to be over.

"Mmm, you turn me on so much," he whispered in my ear. I could feel him moving his hips to thrust into my hand. He was still guiding my hand to do what he wanted. After what felt like ever, I heard his voice hitch and he forced me to squeeze his erection a little harder. I turned my head to face away from him, still squeezing my eyes shut. He stayed still for a few moments before letting go of my hand. "Thank you, babe, I really need that." He said into my ear. I didn't look at him. He gave me a kiss on the cheek before he stood up and grabbed his bag.

"I will see you tomorrow at four." It wasn't a question, it was a command. I waited until I was sure he was gone before I went to stand up. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I kept my head down as I walked past the woman at the desk. If only she knew what just happened on the other side of that wall. I walked down the stairs and out the front doors. I got in my car and just sat there. I finally broke down and began crying. I wasn't crying hard like I had in the past, it was more of a silent crying. Tears were pouring down my cheeks, but other than occasional gasping for air, no noise was coming out. Why was this happening to me? Why am I being such a wimp about it? If I really wanted it to stop, I could have yelled for help in there. There was a person on the other side of the wall from me who would have come to my aid. Had I yelled for help, I would have gotten the attention of everyone in there. That wouldn't have happened. Why didn't I stop it? Why didn't I cry out for help? Why did I just allow it to happen?

After I got through crying, I started my car up and started toward Carlos' house. I kept reaching up to wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. Hopefully my eyes wouldn't be red and puffy by the time I got to Carlos'. I didn't want anyone to know I had been crying. It didn't take long before I was parked in the Garcia's driveway. I pulled down the visor and looked at myself in the mirror. I figured I could pass for just being tired. Maybe nobody would say anything. I got out and put the driver's seat forward. I put my duffel bag over my shoulder, grabbed the leather bag, and my sleeping bag. I sat the sleeping bag down on the ground and shut my door before locking them with the alarm on. Mrs. Garcia had opened her home up to us too over the years. Pretty much all of our parents have adopted the other guys as their own child. I didn't have to worry about opening the door though because once I was on the porch it was opened for me.

"'Bout time you made it," Kendall said, his mouth full of something. I laughed a little as I walked inside.

"Tutoring took a little longer than I thought it would." I told him. I sat my stuff down next to Logan and Kendall's in the corner of the room.

"Hello, James," Mrs. Garcia called from the kitchen.

"Hi, Mrs. Garcia," I called back. "Where are Logan and Carlos?"

"Mrs. Garcia sent them to the store to get something for her," he explained. He sat down on the couch and picked up the cookie sitting on the coffee table before taking another bite. "There's more cookies in the kitchen," he said through the food in his mouth.

"I'm fine," I said, smiling a little. I really didn't feel like eating anything.

"Hey, are you okay? You look like you've been crying." Kendall pointed out, his eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"What? No, I haven't been crying. I'm just tired, I didn't get much sleep last night. But hey, at least I'll sleep good tonight." I said, laughing a little. I saw the look in his eyes, he doesn't believe me.

"If you say so," he said before eating the last of his cookie. After a few more minutes, Logan and Carlos came through the door.

"James! You finally made it!" Carlos yelled, practically bouncing in excitement. I just chuckled a little.

"Okay, boys, you can start a movie if you would like, dinner will still be a little while." Mrs. Garcia told us with a smile. Mr. Garcia wasn't here, but he normally doesn't get off work until late. He's a police officer, so he's really never off work. He can be called in at any time, no matter what. It's part of his duty. Carlos started reading off the rented movies and asked what we wanted to watch. I didn't say anything, I just left it up to them to decide. I found myself wondering what they would say if they found out what happened at the library? What kind of looks would they give me? Would they be mad?

"James?" I was broke out of my thoughts by Kendall's voice. The look on his face was confused and showed that he knew something was wrong. "Are you okay with watching Inception?" He asked and I just nodded.

"Yeah, I love that movie," I said, realizing how bland my tone was. All of their eyes were on me and they were obviously confused. It wasn't like me to be this way. They could tell something was wrong. This was definitely going to be a long weekend.

* * *

**I really do love libraries for all the reasons James listed. I love ones with wooden floors that creak. I love any floors that creak really, lol. Anyway, I hope this chapter was good. Just a pre-warning, the next chapter will be graphic! **


	8. Chapter 8

**I wanted to have this done over the weekend since I wasn't working much. But my aunt (my biological mom's sister) came into town over the weekend for a surprise Easter visit. So I spent all my free time with her. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter weekend and I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Thanks for the reviews and such! It means a lot! Also, thanks to my little sis for her help on this chapter. :) **

* * *

"Mijo, will you please go wake Kendall and Logan for me? Breakfast is almost ready." Mr. Garcia told Carlos. I was sitting at the kitchen table with Carlos while Mr. and Mrs. Garcia cooked breakfast.

"Sure," he said before standing and heading to the livingroom.

"James, you said you had tutoring today, right? Where at?" Mr. Garcia asked as he fixed himself a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, I'm actually going to his house." I told him and he stopped what he was doing to look at me.

"Is anyone else going to be there?" I shook my head no. "Which teacher is this?" Him being a cop I knew he had seen a lot of terrible things. He wasn't one to judge anyone, but he always said you couldn't be too careful about people. I wish I had listened to him.

"Mr. Willis, our math teacher." I told him and he got a weird expression on his face almost like concern.

"Jake Willis is tutoring you alone at his house?" I nodded again, not sure where he was going with this. "I don't trust that man, ever since I first met him. Something is just off about him." I felt the fear rising in me. I just hope Mr. Garcia doesn't keep asking questions. He was a good judge of character, that's for sure.

"I've been to his house before," I wasn't sure why I told him that.

"And nothing bad happened, right?" He came over and sat at the table with me.

"N-no, sir," I hated lying to him. He always knew when we were lying. All these years of being a police officers has trained him to recognize different traits in people. He had Logan, Kendall, Carlos, and I down to a T.

"James, if something happened with the teacher, you need to tell me." He said, his tone and eyes were compassionate. My heart began to speed up and I knew he could tell. I was relieved a little when Kendall, Logan, and Carlos came into the kitchen. Carlos was his normal bouncy self while Logan and Kendall were calm and still sleepy. "We're not done discussing this," he said with that fatherly tone all dads have. I really didn't want to continue this conversation, but I just nodded. Mrs. Garcia and Carlos began setting the table for breakfast, but I didn't feel that hungry anymore. I still allowed Mrs. Garcia to load my plate up with food.

* * *

All day the guys and I had lazed around the house watching movies and eating junk food. We somehow ended up watching Mr. Garcia's collection of old monster movies. We were currently on Monster From The Black Lagoon. We had watched Nosferatu, A Symphony Of Horror, Dracula, and The Wolf Man. We also had Frankenstein and The Bride of Frankenstein out to watch later.

"Why did she just sit there on the ground and scream until the creature got her?" Kendall asked with a chuckle.

"Because they didn't know how to make horror films back then," Carlos said, shoving more popcorn into his mouth. I looked up at the clock for the tenth time. It was getting really close to me having to go _there_ again.

"Is it time for you to leave?" Kendall asked, I shook my head a little.

"Not yet, I still have about twenty minutes before I need to start getting ready." I told him and he nodded. I listened to the guys talk about the movie, giving my opinion here and there. The twenty minutes went by a lot faster than I'd like them to. I told them I needed to get ready to leave before I got up and went to my bag. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I was just wearing sweat pants and a lounge tee at the moment. I went to the bathroom and got changed slowly. I didn't bother doing anything else since I knew it wouldn't matter. After I was done, I walked back out into the livingroom. I grabbed my shoes from by the door and slipped them on.

"Are you going to be gone for two hours again?" Carlos asked from his place on the floor. I shrugged a little as I put my keys, wallet and phone into my pocket.

"It depends on how things go, I guess," I said. I knew he was going to keep me there as long as he could. "Alright, I'll be back later." They all said bye to me as I walked out the door. I went to my car and climbed in. My heart was already pounding and my breathing was getting heavier. I knew what would end up happening. He was going to do something to me tonight. And I'm sure it won't be gentle either. It only took a few minutes to get to his house, but the anticipation and fear made it seem like it took a lot longer. I parked in the driveway and sat there for a moment. I was taking deep breaths in through my mouth and out through my nose to calm me down. I finally grabbed my bag and got out of the car before starting to the door on wobbly legs. I didn't have to ring the bell or knock because he was standing in the doorway before I was even on the porch. I didn't meet his eyes as I walked up to him. He was standing with his arms crossed over his chest in an intimating way. After I walked inside he shut the door. I still didn't look up at him.

"Shall we get started?" He asked, motioning toward the couch. I stared at the couch for a few moments before mustering up enough courage to walk over to it and sit down. This was the same couch he hurt me on last time I was here. He sat down, once again, closer to me than I'd like. I couldn't move away from him though because I knew he would just move over too. I pulled my stuff out of my bag and got a pencil out. "Looks like you haven't even got started on the work I gave you." There was something about his voice that made my skin crawl.

"My mom is thinking about hiring a tutor for me. She thinks I need a different approach," I wasn't sure why I told him that. It was true, when I text Mom about the library tutoring session she suggested it. Maybe I was just feeling defensive and wanted to tell him something. I was surprised when he slapped his hand down on the book on his lap.

"You're not going anywhere! You hear me? I'll fail you and tell everyone what a little whore you are if you leave!" He shouted, making me cower away from him. He put his hand under my chin, digging his fingers into my cheeks, to make me look at him. "Am I clear?" His tone was low and menacing. I just nodded, my eyes never leaving his. I was terrified. He held on to me and stared into my eyes for a few more moments to show me he was dead serious before he let go. I was visibly shaking now and my hands wouldn't work right as I tried to open my math book. I didn't look up when Mr. Willis pulled the book out of my hands and sat it on the coffee table. He leaned over to me and began kissing my neck. I sat completely still at first out of fear. Once it clicked in my mind what was happening, I shoved him away. Big mistake. He grabbed ahold of my arm and moved to stand in front of me quickly. Before I knew what was happening, he shoved me back on the couch and got on top of me the best he could. I was laying at a very awkward angle and it kind of hurt.

"I suggest you never do that again," he growled in a low tone. I turned my face toward the back of the couch as he leaned down. He began kissing my neck again. He got off me before grabbing ahold of my arm and yanking me up. He forced me to be pressed against his body and began kissing my neck roughly again. "I want to something a little... kinky tonight," he whispered in my ear. My heart began pounding so hard I was sure it would jump out of my chest. I did the first thing that I thought of. I began fighting him. If I could just get one good hit, I would be free to run. He had ahold of my arms though and I couldn't get them free. I remembered an article I had read on self defense, it was aimed at girls, but I remembered one important thing. Go for the groin. I brought my knee up as hard as I could in between his legs. He yelled out in pain and fell on to the couch. He still had ahold of my arms though and I fell with him.

"You're going to regret doing that." He groaned out, he kept a good grip on my hands and crossed his legs the best he could. I still fought him though. I yanked my arms back, trying to get free. I tried to scream but my voice chose now to betray me and I couldn't get it to work. It was as if I had forgotten how to scream. After his pain was gone, he stood up and yanked me back up. He began dragging me toward his staircase. I finally found my voice and began screaming and fighting him. Mr. Willis doesn't look it, but he's really strong. A lot stronger than me. I was shocked for a second when a hand came into hard contact with my right cheek. "Shut up!" He yelled before continuing up the stairs. I wasn't sure what to do. One voice in my head was telling me to fight while the other was telling me to give in to save myself from pain. The problem was both sounded reasonable right now.

After he got me upstairs, he dragged me toward one of the rooms which turned out to be a bedroom. I began fighting him again as the fear kicked in. He shoved me down on to the bed and sat on top of me to keep me still. I felt like crying when he grabbed my arms and I felt something metal latch around them. I started to yank vigorously. I moved my head to look up at the headboard of the bed which was a metal bar design that twisted all over the place. He had handcuffed me to the bed! I started to move my body around again, trying to throw him off me. I finally gave up and laid there as the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I knew no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't getting out of this one. After he seen that I was giving up, he stood up off the bed. I watched as he walked over to a desk in the corner and grabbed a camera out of the drawer. He sat it on the bed and reached for my jeans. I moved my legs to pull them up to my stomach in a pathetic attempt to save myself. I saw the anger on his face and it had me scared.

"Now, now, no more of this crying and hiding. I don't want you to look less than sexy in the pictures." He told me and I let out a sob. I felt helpless and scared. The fact that I hadn't gotten the results for my STD test flashed through my mind, making me sob a little more. He got frustrated and grabbed ahold of my legs, forcing me to straighten them.

"Wait! Please!" I cried out. Even if I don't have an STD doesn't mean he still can't give me one. I felt like crying harder at what I was about to ask, but I had to ask. "I-if I st-stop fighting will you... w-will you wear a c-con-condom?" I asked, hicupping a little as a cry came out. He smiled a little at me. He leaned down over top of me and wiped the tears off my cheeks, making me flinch a little.

"Only if you promise to behave for your pictures," his voice was low and seductive. I tried to hold in a cry when I forced myself to nod. I had to do whatever I could to make sure I make it out okay. I had to save myself somehow. He smirked and leaned down to kiss me, I turned my head though. "Uh-uh, you promised to behave." I felt like I was going to officially break down now, but I forced myself to turn back to him. I felt gross as he kissed me softly at first and then roughly. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fight the urge to fight him.

_Just lay still. It'll be over soon. You'll be okay. _I kept repeating over and over in my head. After a few minutes of him kissing me on my lips and my neck, he pulled away. I didn't open my eyes though because the second he pulled away, his hands were working at getting my jeans off. He finally got them undone, but he didn't pull them off. Instead, he moved down to take my shoes and socks off. He climbed back up on the bed and lifted my shirt up to my arm pits before grabbed his camera.

"Open your eyes," he told me, his tone was soft but demanding. I had to literally force myself to open them. The first thing I saw was him standing on his knees next to me. He climbed back off the bed with his camera. "Look at me," he demanded. I turned my head to look up at him and he took a picture. I felt ashamed and disgusted at what this man was doing to me. He walked over and pulled my jeans and boxers down just enough to expose me before taking another picture of me. He took my pants off of me so that I was naked. He kept moving around the bed and forcing me into different positions while taking pictures. I wasn't sure why he was taking pictures of me, I guess he's really just that perverted. I didn't get how someone could get pleasure out of tying somebody else up and making them cry. After he got his pictures, he sat the camera down on the bed and went to his dresser. He pulled out a bandana and I felt a little scared. I didn't want to be blindfolded. He walked back over and climbed on the bed, standing on his knees next to me. He grabbed my left hip and made me turn to lay on my side. He smacked my rear end as hard as he could, making me cry out in pain. When I opened my mouth, he shoved the bandana into it.

"Just in case you can't be good," he said before climbing back off the bed. He went back to his dresser and opened the top drawer again, but this time he pulled out a square, silver packet. He laid it on the bed and removed his own clothes quickly. I was starting to cry hard again because I knew what was coming. I knew it was going to hurt too. He tore it open with his teeth before putting it on. I was still on my side and he climbed behind me. He moved his body close to mine and propped himself on his left elbow. I just closed my eyes and waited for it to be over.

* * *

Mr. Willis was finally done. I was just laying there and staring at the wall as I continued to cry. The tears were running down my cheeks at a fast pace and my shoulders were shaking, but no noise came out. Mr. Willis was dressing himself at the foot of the bed. After he got done, he retrieved the key and uncuffed me. I lowered my arms but still didn't move to get up. I felt terrible. I was sore, covered in tears and sweat, and felt completely violated again.

"Here, get dressed, you can use my bathroom to clean up, right over there." He pointed to a door along the wall I was staring at. It took everything I had to stand up and walk over to the door. I shut and locked it once inside. I looked under the sink for a wash rag, which I found. I got it wet before taking my shirt off. I began to rub cold water over my body. I tried to clean all of the sweat -which wasn't all mine-, the tears and the semen off of my body. I couldn't get clean though. There were no traces of that stuff on my body, but I still felt dirty. I knew I would never be clean. I got a dry hand towel from under the sink and began drying myself off. I got dressed before leaning forward against the sink counter. I felt sick, like I was going to throw up. I was still crying and I didn't want to look in the mirror. I didn't want to see what he had done to me.

This had to end. I had to tell somebody. I can't keep doing this. I try to tell myself I'll be fine, but that's the farthest thing from the truth. I was okay and I never will be. Nobody should have to endure what he did to me. The only problem is, what will happen once people know? They'll definitely look at me differently. _**The**_ _James Diamond was raped?_ I could hear them saying in shock. I'm a muscular guy with a lot of confidence. Nobody would believe it actually happened. Everybody already calls me gay, would they just think I was just saying that to cover up having sex with a teacher? Would anyone truly believe me? I didn't matter, I had to tell someone. Maybe I could just tell Mr. Garcia. He is a cop after all. Maybe he would be willing to keep my identity a secret from everyone and the media. I am still a minor, so I shouldn't have to ask, right? I decided that I would tell Mr. Garcia as soon as I can. Until then, tutoring wasn't going to happen again. Even if he failed me, I couldn't keep doing this. Mom can just hire a private teacher for me until I graduate. He wasn't going to hurt me again.

* * *

**Okay, I know I said in the last chapter that this one would be graphic, but I decided to end it there instead of making the whole end of the chapter graphic. I figured what I wrote was bad enough for one chapter...**  
**Oh, and my sis, Leigh, came up with the idea of James kneeing Mr. Willis in attempt to get away and him smacking James. She also suggested the part of them watching old horror films because I wasn't sure what to have them doing. Her and I watch a lot of old movies, including all of those, lol. **


	9. Chapter 9

**This took a lot longer to write than I thought it would. I've been busy this week and could only write a little at a time. **

**Thank you to those who reviewed! Also thanks for the favorites and follows. :)**

* * *

It was the next day and I was sitting in the livingroom with Logan, Kendall, Carlos, and Mr. Garcia. Mr. Garcia doesn't work on Sundays and it's the only day he gets to see Carlos and Mrs. Garcia all day. Since we all basically grew up together, we have spent a lot of time at the Garcia household and Mr. Garcia has always spent Sunday with us. I hadn't gotten to talk to Kendall or Mr. Garcia yet. I was having second thoughts about the whole thing. Every time I even thought about explaining it all to someone my heart would nearly beat out of my chest. I was conflicted, the idea of telling somebody had me scared, but the idea of having to see Mr. Willis again had me equally scared. I wasn't sure which was more terrifying, but I knew which was the right choice. I knew I had to tell one of them, any of them. I couldn't keep going like this.

I jumped a little when I felt a hand tap my shoulder. I looked up from my place on the floor at Mr. Garcia who was stretched out in his recliner. "You okay, James?" He asked, staring down at me intently. "You're being pretty quiet," I just shrugged a little.

"I guess just everything with my grades has me down," I forced a small chuckle.

"Okay," he said, his tone and expression telling me that this conversation wasn't over. I looked back at the TV, but only briefly. Mr. Garcia pushed the foot rest of his recliner down, making it creak. "You boys look bored, how about we get our hockey gear and go have some fun?" We were all for that. It wasn't long before we all had gear and were ready to go. The Garcia household was all about hockey and they had plenty of skates, sticks, and protective gear. Mrs. Garcia decided to go grocery shopping while we were at the rink. We all piled into Mr. Garcia's car to head out. The ride there was spent listening to the radio and Mr. Garcia telling us stories from his work week.

We finally got the rink and split up into teams. It was Logan, Carlos, and I against Kendall and Mr. Garcia. Kendall and I had gotten into a playful argument about who was better. Carlos and Logan claiming they could beat the cocky Kendall also. Mr. Garcia told us to put our money where our mouth is and take him and Kendall on. Which is how we got our teams. We started our game, our team trying to show we could beat Kendall, who was the captain of our hockey team. Mr. Garcia was hockey captain all the way through college, which is why Carlos was raised playing. Mr. and Mrs. Garcia got married right after turning eighteen and had Carlos eleven months later. Mr. Garcia had him on the ice from the time he could walk.

The game was halfway through when Kendall checked me into the wall. Hard. I tried to get up off the ice but as soon as I put pressure on my right ankle, I went back down.

"Whoa! Hang on, guys!" Logan yelled, causing everyone to stop. He skated over to me, the others following. "Are you okay?"

"My ankle is messed up," I said, unstrapping my helmet before taking it off. Mr. Garcia got down on one knee beside me and gently took my skate off before lifting my pant leg. He inspected it before sighing.

"I think you need to go to the hospital, it shouldn't be this swollen already." Him and Kendall helped me up and over to the benches.

"I'm sorry, dude, I didn't think I checked you that hard." Kendall said as I sat down.

"It's fine, I just moved my ankle wrong when I went down." I said, shrugging like it wasn't a big deal. Mr. Garcia got my sneakers for me, but I only put my left shoe on because my right foot hurt so bad.

"Are you boys going to stay here while I take him?" Mr. Garcia asked, looking at the others.

"If we go we'll just end up sitting in a waiting room." Logan pointed out, making the other two agree to stay. It wasn't like this was the first time I had gotten hurt. It's not even the first time I've messed up my ankle. Mr. Garcia helped me to his car and helped me get in. The ride to the hospital was pretty quiet other than the radio playing. My mind went to the fact that I was finally alone with Mr. Garcia, but I didn't want to talk about _it _at the moment. We finally got to the hospital and Mr. Garcia told me to wait in the car. He went in and got a wheelchair before coming back out and getting me. I figured I could get in with his help so there wasn't a need for the wheelchair, but I didn't protest. I knew it was pointless. Mr. Garcia explained what happened to the nurse behind the desk and she took us back through the double doors to get me into a curtained off room. I used the bed to balance myself so I could stand up and sit on the bed. I knew the doctor wouldn't be in any hurry to come see me. The nurse checked my ankle before telling me she would be back.

"So, what was really on your mind earlier?" Mr. Garcia asked quietly, knowing we didn't have much privacy here.

"I told you, just my grades," I lied, knowing he didn't buy it.

"James, you are a terrible liar, especially to a cop." I didn't say anything, just glanced up before looking back down at my ankle. I heard him chuckle a little. "Your tone is defense which tells me you're hiding something, you won't look at me for more than five seconds, and you're going with a safe story." His voice was still soft. I finally looked up, but just briefly before looking back down.

"Can it wait? Please?" I asked, looking back up. He gave me a caring smile before nodding.

"Sure," he answered. We sat there without talking, listening to the nurses and other patients outside our curtain room. After what felt like ever the doctor came into the room.

"Hello, James, I'm Dr. Roberts, it says here you took a hit playing hockey." He said, that natural doctor smile on his face. I told him that he was correct. "Can you walk on it?" I told him no. "Alright, I'm going to check your ankle to see if you need an x-ray. Just let me know if any of this hurts," he explained before he began poking around my ankle. He felt the ball shaped bones on the inside and outside of my ankle, asking if it hurt, which it didn't. He then poked at the side of my foot near my big toe, asking again if it hurt, it didn't. He poked around some more, it only hurt when he touched the front of my ankle at the joint. After he was done poking around my ankle, he asked me to try moving it in a circular motion. I managed to do as he asked, it hurt but at least I could do it.

"I don't think there's any need for an x-ray, it appears you just sprained it. I'm going to give you a prescription for pain medication, I'll give you some pain pills before you leave, and I'm going to have you wear a brace for the next ten days then check in with your personal doctor. He will decide if you should wear it longer or go ahead and take it off. I recommend you go home, ice it, and try to stay off it the best you can. Oh, and no hockey until that heals up," he told me with a smile. He left to get the brace and prescription. While he was doing that, a nurse came in with some pills and a cup of water. After everything was taken care of, we were free to leave. I managed to walk out of the hospital on my own, my ankle just having a dull pain now.

"Do you want to go back to the rink? Or do you want to head to the house?" He asked as we pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

"Let's go back to the rink, you can continue to play hockey with them and I'll just watch." He nodded before turning the radio up a little. It wasn't long before he spoke up again.

"I'm going to run home and get you an ice pack first... James, what is going on?" He asked, his tone showing nothing but seriousness. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I didn't have a reason not to talk to him about this now. Mr. Willis' threats began running through my mind. He has those pictures of me, what if he shares them with everyone before they can get him? What if they can't charge him with anything and he comes after me for telling? I had to come up with something. Until I know for sure there is no doubt that he will get arrested I can't say anything.

"I've just been having problems with someone at school," I said, it wasn't a lie.

"Another student?" I sat still for a moment, thinking if I should go any farther before shaking my head.

"No," I said quietly. He looked over at me, his eyebrows pulled together.

"A teacher?" I just shrugged, knowing no matter what I said, he would know it was true. "What kind of problems?"

"Just them breaking me down a lot, making me feel worthless, and other stuff like that." I told him, shrugging again. I felt really uncomfortable. _Tell him the truth._ I heard a voice in my head say. I tried to push it away and think of something else.

"What have they done to make you feel that way?" He asked, his tone staying normal.

"I just feel that way because I struggle more than other students." _Liar. _That stupid voice wouldn't go away. I stared out the passenger window, hoping this conversation would be over soon. Why can't I just tell him? I want to tell someone, but at the same time I don't. I'm terrified of what they'll think. I'm seen as this strong and independent guy who can keep his cool in tough situations. What would people think when they found out that I had been raped?

"What have they said?" He asked, it dawned on me that he was using the same tone still.

"Can my teacher get in trouble for this?" I asked, glancing at him.

"It depends. If what your teacher is saying to you is inappropriate or abusive they can. Also if it's a common thing, like they do it every day in class. Is it everyday?"

"Not really," I said and he looked over at me.

"What does that mean?"

"It's not that often, just a couple of times a week," I said, hoping he would drop the subject soon. I was grateful when he didn't say anything else, but I could tell he was thinking.

* * *

When we got back to the house, I was feeling really bad, so I decided to go take a bath. From the past experiences with messing up my ankle it's easier and smarter to take a bath instead of a shower. I could take the brace off to bathe, which is why baths were easier to do. I was fine with taking a bath. I liked laying back after washing off and just relaxing in the hot water. I tried not to let my mind wander. That usually made it go places I didn't want it to. I tried to keep it as blank as possible.

Once my water started to get cold I decided it was time to get out. I quickly dried off, got dressed in gray sweat pants and a black t-shirt, and put my brace back on. When I walked out of the bathroom I heard someone talking down the hall. I was confused because everyone should have been in the livingroom or something, not bedrooms. My curiosity got the best of me and I started to walk toward the voice. I realized it was Kendall's, which made me more confused.

"... Let me get this straight, you're calling to give James David Diamond results for an STD test?" I felt my heart stop. Why did Kendall answer my phone? Why did they tell him that? "Alright, yeah, I'll let him know, thanks," I didn't move as I waited to see what Kendall would do. Would he get mad? Was he going to tell the others? What was he thinking? I debated going in to Carlos' room to talk to Kendall and, if needed, beg him to keep quiet. After a few more minutes I heard footsteps coming toward the door. I wanted to run the other way, but knew I wouldn't get away fast enough. He jumped a little when he saw me standing in the hallway.

"Oh, um, I- here's your phone." He said, his cheeks turned red and he wouldn't look me in the eyes. This is exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone! They would treat me this way. They would treat me like I was dirty and gross.

"I heard," I said and he looked up briefly before looking back down.

"Th-they called you twice in the hour you were in the bath. I figured it was important if they were calling again, so I picked up. The lady on the phone, um, told me she was with the free clinic and was looking for you. I-I know I should have said I would have you call back, b-but I was curious... I'm really, James! Please don't hate me!" He pleaded, finally looking me in the eyes. He really was being sincere.

"I-it's okay, just... please don't tell anyone else what you heard, okay?"

"Oh, I wouldn't!" He said quickly, I nodded and we stood there in awkward silence. "Oh! Um, you don't... You're, um... clean," I could tell he wasn't sure how to put it. I felt relief wash over me at that. At least one thing is out of the way.

"That's good," I said, hoping we could just walk away now and pretend this never happened. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to ask a question and I was sure I knew what it was. I didn't want to answer that question though. "I'm going to go to the livingroom," I said before turning around to walk away. Kendall followed behind me, the awkwardness was still in the air around us though.

"Wait," he said, grabbing my arm to stop me. "I have to ask, what is this all about?" I looked away, sighing heavily.

"I don't want to talk about it right now... I-I'll explain later," I said, not intending to explain ever. Maybe I could at some point, but not right now. He stared at me for a few more moments before just nodding his head once. I turned back and started to the livingroom again, him following me. I know Kendall. He's not just going to let this go. He'll ask about it again at some point. I wonder what he's thinking right now? What does he think I did? Does he see me as gross now? What if he does tell the others? This was turning into one, big mess.

* * *

**I don't know much about ankle braces and I didn't find much when I researched it, so I just guessed at what would be the smartest thing, like the bath instead of shower. So if I screwed that up, sorry. From what I know, I should have time to write this week, but something might come up, you never know. **


End file.
